Do I pull this trigger or trust that my nightmare will somehow take a better turn?
Do I admit to myself that every problem I have is either caused by or made worse by active addiction?
Do I stay in this exhausting footrace with an untiring death, or do I get clean---free from the pitiless chains of addiction?
Do I keep doing what I've been doing and keep getting the slams I keep getting, or do I open my mind enough to try a different way?
Do I go to where the kind of help I need is, or do I keep drawing from the dry well of my own thinking?
Do I reach for freedom and life, or do I continue creeping through the muck of shame, guilt, illness, debt, loneliness, and despair toward a certain and demeaning death?
This is Easter Sunday. For a good part of the religious world, it is a time to celebrate a resurrection. For others, it is Spring. The world clock has turned, trees are budding, the perennials planted and tended last year are warming up, some peeking through the soil to see if it's warm enough to come out, moose, deer, bear, rabbit, and fish are preparing for new life, and with all this going on around me, what am I going to do? Pick up?
No. What I'm going to do is what I did yesterday: Don't use, go to meetings, ask for help.
Why?
Why?
The quote from NA's Basic Text appearing in April 8th's Just For Today says, "We come to know happiness, joy and freedom." I like happiness. It makes me happy. It feels good. That's why I do what I need to do to stay clean: Meetings, Higher Power, Step work, sponsor, sharing --- it really is much less bother than being borderline suicidal 24 hours a day.
Do what you need to do for today.
♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣
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