Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Zaps From Beyond

September 15


Thingy for today:
"If you look into an asshole long enough, sooner or later you're going to get an eyeful of something that won't make you happy." —Anon




Still Thinking About Cleaning Up?
Behold the Parable of Harvey and Jesus:

Harvey had been thinking about getting clean, but decided he could think a lot better if he could score a little something. Jesus, his childhood higher power, certainly wasn't going to get him some stuff, so he turned his back on Jesus. Desperate for money to buy his drugs, Harvey broke into a home by climbing through a window in the rear. As soon as he was inside, he stood quietly to make sure no one was there. Just then he heard a voice say, “I am watching you, and so is Jesus.”

Harvey froze, his heart beating with fear and shame, his soul weeping with remorse. True, in all that he had ever done, Harvey’s savior had been watching him, yet how many times in his darkest moments had Harvey refused to ask Jesus for help. And now he had once again turned his back on his higher power, yet Jesus had sent him a messenger to turn his life around before it became too late. Resolving to walk a new path, Harvey turned on his flashlight and played it around the room to see who had spoken those words of comfort. On a wrought iron stand there was a big green and yellow parrot looking back at him. “I am watching you, and so is Jesus,” said the parrot.

Harvey started to laugh at how silly he had been. Higher power indeed. It was all smoke and mirrors, empty words and talking birds. Harvey opened up his swag bag and started putting the household silver into it, when he heard the parrot say again, “I am watching you, and so is Jesus.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” said Harvey, playing the light on the parrot. This time, however, the parrot wasn’t looking back. Instead the parrot was looking down. Harvey pointed the flashlight down at the bottom of the stand and saw a huge pit bull glaring at him with red eyes and drool dripping from its exposed fangs.
And the parrot said to the pit bull, “Sic ‘im, Jesus!”



"Every time history repeats itself the price goes up." —Anon



What has four legs and an arm?

A happy pit bull


Barry B. Longyear



"It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time" If you would like to read my remarks on addiction and what to do about it delivered before the RAD Chapter of Machias, Maine this summer, click here.



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