tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-83098352024-03-15T21:10:07.617-04:00LIFE SUCKS BETTER CLEANFor recovering addicts and those hoping to enter recovery.Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.comBlogger178125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-51511043930587385742023-09-24T12:33:00.000-04:002023-09-24T12:33:26.419-04:00California Clean and a Brief Peek at Reality<div style="text-align: justify;"><p><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfbvBLc1FxQLFhQiho6MLzKohCGOYW3eZwSAxnq_Vf4AJkA6jDllb9iIpoqHAAq4H9OGky2N7x22BR1UliRQ8-IMDEud-DGm_j-w6k4OSSdFFwJ2PzE7XhIP3TOHycIZ0MisGhLFxQXNFeEteJDIcrt6CZZddllNGDmjVEyGhQlOl8rdvz-Lws/s374/Nile%20River.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="234" data-original-width="374" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfbvBLc1FxQLFhQiho6MLzKohCGOYW3eZwSAxnq_Vf4AJkA6jDllb9iIpoqHAAq4H9OGky2N7x22BR1UliRQ8-IMDEud-DGm_j-w6k4OSSdFFwJ2PzE7XhIP3TOHycIZ0MisGhLFxQXNFeEteJDIcrt6CZZddllNGDmjVEyGhQlOl8rdvz-Lws/s320/Nile%20River.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"><b>Denial, that old Egyptian river.</b> It is the principle symptom of active addiction. This is why addiction is often described as the disease that tells you that you haven't got it. Denial often sneaks in after entering recovery. When I went in rehab my addictions were to what I called a beverage and little items I always referred to as medicine. In rehab I learned that a mood altering drug (MAD) is a drug. Still, in those early months of recovery in NA, various complaints came out of my mouth as though I was impersonating a stupidity generator:</span></span><p></p></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">"When I got clean there were no wine spritzers, and that was before Coors came to my state."</span></p></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">"In rehab I learned about a whole lot of drugs I never got in trouble with. Maybe . . ."</span></p></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">"I know a guy in Al-Anon who told me he goes to Al-Anon so he can get the program and he doesn't have to stop drinking."</span></p></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">And then I listened to my sponsor who quit Narcotics Anonymous and joined Alcoholics Anonymous so that he "could smoke pot and it would be okay."</span></p></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">That was a rough number of weeks for me, but not quite as rough as it was for my ex-sponsor. It took three weeks, but during that period his wife left him, he lost his job, he dropped out of AA, and he seems to have vanished. No one who knows him knows where he is. Perhaps he returned to the program. It's a hope. What he was doing so many years ago is what a famous country singer has recently referred to as being "California sober," which is defined as "Not drinking or using hard drugs, but continuing with marijuana and psychedelics." By that token I suppose "California Clean" would be putting down pot and mushrooms and confining one's use to fentanyl laced alcohol and compulsive gambling.</span></p></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">It was dangerous forty-one years ago when I got clean. Dragon smoke always comes in the form of denial: rationalizing dangerous drugs into that group of things that it is okay to use. The consequences now, in the end, are the same: The Graybar Hotel, the padded room, or the graveyard. The consequences today, however, come quicker and more severely. Way back alkies, potheads, methroids, and pill poppers on average had a good many years to collect data such as unemployment, wrecked relationships, heart attacks, liver problems, money problems, a tour or two in the House of Slams, and eventually all the freedom, joys, and infections to experience in curbside living. I can't say that we had it easy, but we had it more slowly.</span></p></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Today's addicts, many of them, do not have the time to put together a war story for when they finally make it into the program. That is mostly because they are dead. The fentanyl miracle: For many it is a one-pop solution to all of one's problems. It may not work as quickly as sodium cyanide, it might feel better for a moment (I don't know. Dead dudes tell no tales), but it all winds up in a hole in the ground. On top of that is the well publicized abilities possessed by everyone to become whoever, whatever, and wherever they want simply by playing with words, particularly definitions. </span></p></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Each person, you see, can develop his, hers, or its individual "truth." Such "truths" have little to do with empirical evidence, and anytime you feel the need to be called a terrible name, point out most of these "truths" have nothing to do with reality. I mention it here because in recovery from addiction, the addict cannot afford to play around with semantics. The recovering addict needs a firm grip on reality. There are some hard truths we have to live by if we want to live, grow, and be happy. If you do not know what these truths are, go to a meeting, call your sponsor, work the Steps. If you do not go to NA meetings, or you do not have a sponsor, or for some reason haven't gotten around to the Steps, it would appear to be time for a change. Don't pick up, go to meetings, ask for help. That is the beginning lesson in fighting the meanest and sneakiest disease on the planet: Addiction.</span></p></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> I pray for the best for everyone who reads this, but if you are an addict, if you are not on your own team, my prayers won't do you a lick of good. You can pick your age, your sex, your occupation, your lifestyle, and political leanings. If you are an addict, though, <i>your disease has picked you</i> and it does not care at all about the identity you picked. What you do about that in the real world will determine the kind and degree of fantasies you can bring to reality in the future. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Stay smart, stay safe, and stay clean. And if the idea of California Clean begins to look appealing, take a look at California's definition of "clean." Our brothers and sisters in the homeless encampments may be willing to give you a tour.<br /></span></p></div>Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-3751629060043846512023-01-05T12:59:00.000-05:002023-01-05T12:59:38.574-05:00Wishes, Resolutions, and Pleas<p> </p><div class="" dir="auto" style="text-align: justify;"><div class="x1iorvi4 x1pi30zi x1l90r2v x1swvt13" data-ad-comet-preview="message" data-ad-preview="message" id="jsc_c_b"><div class="x78zum5 xdt5ytf xz62fqu x16ldp7u"><div class="xu06os2 x1ok221b"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span class="x193iq5w xeuugli x13faqbe x1vvkbs x1xmvt09 x1lliihq x1s928wv xhkezso x1gmr53x x1cpjm7i x1fgarty x1943h6x xudqn12 x3x7a5m x6prxxf xvq8zen xo1l8bm xzsf02u x1yc453h" dir="auto"><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xdj266r x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><i>I posted the following on Facebook on December 31st, 2022: </i><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">2023, huh? Well, may the forces of stupid become self-aware, the forces of the power hungry find self-worth, and all those offended by words, dress, occupation, faith, skin tone, merit, and belief become themselves Awakened. </div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">Happy New Year, and for those who use words to inform, entertain, educate, or manipulate others please note an ancient plea known as "The Three Gates of Speech." For your own peace of mind and in aid of the peace of the world, before what you say or <span></span>write is made available, the words must pass through three tests or "gates."</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">The tests are: </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">1. Is it true? </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">2. Is it necessary? and </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">3. Is it kind?</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a"><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">In the event your communication fails to make it through all three gates, employ the wisdom of Will Rogers: "Never miss a good chance to shut up."</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqjY0_bR989wOZ8iIwqjMTtoOmaUPCWD-nWa5ip1vMckYXBHemibAMHjm90wzFNcYNJ4SVtyDKkPiBQL7Dn-1ULbN1b-qpSp2ETzmiG35QekiYtFjf-VMnb7Xq_T5njGUnLmGw4Zdqsk81gW5msRBGiVHLlWZ-SVMobY8E_pFZRTho5xGtFA/s474/New%20Year%202023.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="315" data-original-width="474" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqjY0_bR989wOZ8iIwqjMTtoOmaUPCWD-nWa5ip1vMckYXBHemibAMHjm90wzFNcYNJ4SVtyDKkPiBQL7Dn-1ULbN1b-qpSp2ETzmiG35QekiYtFjf-VMnb7Xq_T5njGUnLmGw4Zdqsk81gW5msRBGiVHLlWZ-SVMobY8E_pFZRTho5xGtFA/s320/New%20Year%202023.jpg" width="320" /> </a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div>In my early years I was a great one for turning pages. Each time I would be sent to a new school, or a new school year would begin, or New Years would come, and I would take the old page crowded with my failures, wreckage, crimes, and shortcomings, turn it, call it "the past," put it behind me, and set forth upon my fresh new page ready to record upon it the new me and my shining new future of accomplishment. Then would come the next New Year's Eve, my page littered with the same or worse failures, wreckage, crimes, and shortcomings as the previous year. It was the same with the endings of school years and new school stays. <br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">The disease of addiction loves such moments. How small can I make myself feel? How worthless? How Evil? By the time I reached the weeks before January in 1981, I attempted suicide for the second time. I had given up page turning and resolutions. I had given up hope. The payback, of course, was using. Facing the darkness of the endlessly deep hole I was in, I gave up.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">Friends and family pulled an intervention on me, I spent that New Years in rehab in Minneapolis, got out at the end of January confused, frightened, angry, and convinced that I was in big trouble and not at all convinced that staying clean was an answer nor that Twelve Step programs were an effective way to stay clean should I wish to do so.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">I stayed clean and continued going to meetings until what I should do became clear for me. It eventually did become clear: Stay clean and continue going to meetings. One more thing: Learn all I could about the program of Narcotics Anonymous and put what I learn into practice. At the end of December, 2023 I celebrated forty-one years clean. </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">I once asked my sponsor about "special" days: birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and the beginning of a new year. He said they are just like any other day: twenty-four hours long and filled with miracles, hope, promise, love, and growth. After all this time, it still works and so does my life.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;">My prayers and best wishes to any and every one taking this moment, this beginning year, to begin taking that first step out of the nightmare.</div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"> </div><div style="text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimjB6vIug4nEjK5r5Up2-4NWrMjHRqhglZLif812UBWRU3pDdafJ7enf3m2dbRleJuzefJSM-pLOrUOwCezRQ65iCw6VmLGo7WlbVoRMiavilF6PveZbKk5t0jJZbBqgPwWm3KYuRQG7tXW4VEYls9fDlWxNoFM3SpXColsRluW9OCKGLbJw/s1280/Sky%206.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="1184" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimjB6vIug4nEjK5r5Up2-4NWrMjHRqhglZLif812UBWRU3pDdafJ7enf3m2dbRleJuzefJSM-pLOrUOwCezRQ65iCw6VmLGo7WlbVoRMiavilF6PveZbKk5t0jJZbBqgPwWm3KYuRQG7tXW4VEYls9fDlWxNoFM3SpXColsRluW9OCKGLbJw/s320/Sky%206.JPG" width="296" /></a></div><br /> </div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="text-align: start;"><br /></div></div></span></span></span></div></div></div></div>Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-77978634317702913162021-03-12T09:35:00.003-05:002021-03-12T09:35:33.585-05:00This One Is For Everybody<p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqXfkJFEx0FhhW0v5pGZ65Xn3h6Hct5Ub-ZEgxBTswmF5uiq8P65Lk8Sd_1NjJcc1FqulQdEhQEtJR3-iQi9jRXCp4y0zYNXkm0Zu2VZWDIz8edzcPN3iw-sfCPXrwaX-M6QZY/s300/Coyote+smashed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqXfkJFEx0FhhW0v5pGZ65Xn3h6Hct5Ub-ZEgxBTswmF5uiq8P65Lk8Sd_1NjJcc1FqulQdEhQEtJR3-iQi9jRXCp4y0zYNXkm0Zu2VZWDIz8edzcPN3iw-sfCPXrwaX-M6QZY/s0/Coyote+smashed.jpg" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"> Depression and unhealthy ways of addressing it has become a worldwide problem made worse than usual due to the Covid-19 Pandemic shutdown. Those in Twelve Step Recovery programs are more fortunate than most because Twelve Steppers have the tools with which to start over a bad day making it a positive day. The problem here is choosing to stay in depression rather than doing what needs to be done to turn things around. For those with obsessive compulsive disorder (drunks, junkies, overeaters, etc.) the payoff for remaining in depression is to become miserable enough to have a relapse ("If you felt as bad as I do, you'd use too.") Great excuse with only one problem: Using again returns to the nightmare driving what was depression down into degradation and horror. For those without OCD problems, unaddressed depression is a terrific excuse to develop a drinking problem, chemical dependency, overeating disorder, gambling or video game addiction, and so on. If that fails, there is always making everyone around you miserable with the hopes of violence, incarceration, and even suicide along the way. The way out for everyone: TURN YOUR DAY AROUND!</span><p></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>Misery Is Optional!</b> Starting a crappy day over usually requires action. Left on its own, depression has no reason to get any better. Here are some tools Twelve Steppers use to break the cycle of misery.<br /></span></span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>Call Someone.</b> Twelve Steppers have sponsors and telephone numbers of others in recovery they can call when the walls begin closing in. "I feel like crap." "I'm afraid." "I just don't know what to do." and "HELP!" are all valid ways to begin such a conversation. Those not in Twelve Step programs can call a relative or friend. Those who do not know anyone, have no relatives, and have no friends, look in a phone book or go online and get the number of a hotline. After talking out your problem, start thinking about making a friend you can call.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxzPCLSv2e2zX_QwkUunbN8pxAh9qXAVOjIaPPsbvP5TUzyqGKpJrDf_BLO4oe7k7knQTZjgG2-s7UD3HYSGmo2CJNLJISDITu4JTCmGRk9vpKMTknJHtAyhLb95um9REdl4Bu/s1026/Almost.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="928" data-original-width="1026" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxzPCLSv2e2zX_QwkUunbN8pxAh9qXAVOjIaPPsbvP5TUzyqGKpJrDf_BLO4oe7k7knQTZjgG2-s7UD3HYSGmo2CJNLJISDITu4JTCmGRk9vpKMTknJHtAyhLb95um9REdl4Bu/s320/Almost.JPG" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>Make A Gratitude List.</b> Depression tends to take small problems and inflate them until they cover the universe with hopelessness. A gratitude list helps to let the air out of depression and balance your perspective by listing the things that are going right. I usually begin with "I'm still here." That means to me that I am still alive, I'm still taking care of myself, and I am reaching to get out of my depression rather than sitting and wallowing in it. There are people I love (list them), there are people I believe love me (list them), I pay my bills, live in beautiful Maine, am going to get a working knee later this year, and am getting my second Covid-19 vaccine shot today! My work is going well, at this moment my chronic migraines have taken the morning off, I had a good night's sleep last night, and so on. You beat down depression with gratitude. I'm still here, and that is all kinds of victory for me. Do your own list. If you are reading this, you too can begin with, "I'm still alive."</span><p></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRJikk1j93aIFCPEC-oDoCBvX1oQn7FuZhTpS6Db14-vJVdX2_6s_QazF0X9cQTk5dBydM_0q0q4pvky02kw4HcpZcu0G8gIncMhnCogA-08jZ1PBdolzm-LDWNWXcyHKUaKXt/s2016/Foggy+10-9-20+B.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1512" data-original-width="2016" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRJikk1j93aIFCPEC-oDoCBvX1oQn7FuZhTpS6Db14-vJVdX2_6s_QazF0X9cQTk5dBydM_0q0q4pvky02kw4HcpZcu0G8gIncMhnCogA-08jZ1PBdolzm-LDWNWXcyHKUaKXt/s320/Foggy+10-9-20+B.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>Find A Happy Place and Go There.</b> I have several "happy places" I can go when my edges begin growing dark. When in season and when my health cooperates, I love downhill skiing. Going for a walk is another happy place. There are wild turkeys in our neighborhood and I love feeding them and having them gather about me like chickens. Indoors there are movies guaranteed to make me laugh. Two of them are <i>Galaxy Quest</i> and <i>No Time For Sergeants.</i> Depending upon my mood, binge watching certain TV series can chase away the blues by filling my head with other times, characters, and places. Two I have in mind are <i>Wolf Hall</i> and the <i>Vikings</i>. These fit my personal tastes and quirks. You need to find <i>your </i>happy places, and then go there.<br /></span></span><p></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>Do Something Creative.</b> I write books, I do wood carvings, I paint pictures, I do woodworking, and one of these days I will complete this bloody damned Jolly Roger pirate ship model I purchased. This all has to do with a very important thing to know about patience. Patience is not waiting; Patience is doing something else. If you sit there in black gloom waiting for "something" to lift your depression, you are going to be depressed or dead for a long time. Do something else: a hobby, dance, play uplifting music, fix a leaky faucet, stop that floor from squeaking, oil a hinge, make your bed, clean your room, <i>MOVE YOUR ASS! </i>Remember, if depression is out to get you, it is harder to hit a moving target.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>Laugh.</b> How can you tell a bank robber in a line at the bank? He's the only one not wearing a mask. Everyone's life has in it, funny moments. The world has funny moments. The Covid-19 Pandemic has funny moments. There was a politician on a video platform interview who interrupted one of his own answers by farting. The fellow's party spokesperson attempting to explain away the fart by saying the sound was produced by someone moving a coffee cup was even more hilarious. Have fun with the inconveniences. Humor has been the difference between staying alive and ending it uncountable times in my life.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>Look For Beauty.</b> Part of being grateful for being alive is to be able to appreciate beautiful and amazing things. Feeling miserable because of the cold and snow, look into the form and structure of single snowflakes. The wild turkeys feeding outside my window are some of the ugliest birds in creation, yet when the sunlight strikes their feathers they reflect amber, gold, and reddish brown colors. A happy face, someone who does a nice thing, someone wishing you a good morning: Beauty. I was told that if I look for shit, shit is all I am going to find. By the same token, if I search for beauty I am going to find a bunch of it, the existence of which helps make my life worth living.<br /></span></span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>If It Won't Cause You To Burst Into Flames, Pray.</b> Twelve Steppers have what they call "Higher Powers." There is a very wide variety of entities that serve as HPs from off-the-rack (provided by religions) deities to various and sundry items from a piece of paper and teddy bears to the sky, mountains, rivers, oceans, runes, and amulets. It is the act of reaching out to something other than oneself for help that produces results. It is probably the most important tool in my getting out of depression toolbox, and it is usually the last one I try. I spent almost forty years in a war against the gods of humanity, and now, almost forty years later, I am still uncomfortable praying. I do it eventually, however, because it works.</span></span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b> Stay Safe, Stay Smart, and Choose Happiness. <br /></b><br /></span></span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></p><br />Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-85996871856297594442020-04-15T10:58:00.000-04:002020-04-15T11:17:45.521-04:00STUCK AT HOME, WHAT TO DO?<div class="from_wysiwyg" style="text-align: justify;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Isolation" by Aidansane</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span data-mce-style="font-size: 12pt;"> I have communed with the birds and squirrels, taken even more pictures of my dog, made home repairs, stayed in touch with the NA program and its people, I go to NA Zoom meetings and wait along with everyone else for things to go, well, not back to normal. But at least to lighten up. It is astonishing the complainers and foot draggers who cannot wait to return to jobs and schools they thought they hated. It was like when I got injured in the Army. I couldn't think of anything better than being in hospital with a (not too serious injury), lying around in bed all day, meals brought to me, and so on. After three days of that I was fit to be tied. After nineteen days I so grateful to get back to work upon my return I almost hugged my sergeant.</span></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwJyGGJkXbpqgm6eZYPgmUwDFKE6zApIQdCzwMeaLDZedhh-e7bKVXmoOyF_Zzbp3F1HPoMdD3ngBJMSTFeWrt5ldmqNYkeGncED9fwUpH0p8LwXPM7S9NDvM7x_2zJEM74iJ_/s1600/isolation+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="356" data-original-width="768" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwJyGGJkXbpqgm6eZYPgmUwDFKE6zApIQdCzwMeaLDZedhh-e7bKVXmoOyF_Zzbp3F1HPoMdD3ngBJMSTFeWrt5ldmqNYkeGncED9fwUpH0p8LwXPM7S9NDvM7x_2zJEM74iJ_/s320/isolation+1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span data-mce-style="font-size: 12pt;">By occupation, I am a novelist and short story writer. It is not considered an essential occupation. What I can do, for those who like a good story, is fill up a stretch of time every day until the all-clear with some readings at no cost. The readings use the Zoom platform. Download the video conferencing app, and this will open a number of useful and entertaining doors. Once you have it on your device, click on the app, click on "Join Meeting" then enter the meeting code (see below).</span></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDKxWQzfYQU9ETxBf5dN6m44NYtM76lmkBwDFFaIkWVEh4hUIdKfDi9VRZAfApL963-YgvbQtqiwDYswi8IED__J-401YN4fnbGIaoszUpQP2eTn31kTtyj9eiYLN1vKUTwgR0/s1600/Isolation+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="432" data-original-width="768" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDKxWQzfYQU9ETxBf5dN6m44NYtM76lmkBwDFFaIkWVEh4hUIdKfDi9VRZAfApL963-YgvbQtqiwDYswi8IED__J-401YN4fnbGIaoszUpQP2eTn31kTtyj9eiYLN1vKUTwgR0/s320/Isolation+2.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span data-mce-style="font-size: 12pt;">I will be reading from <i>Saint Mary Blue</i>, the story of a group of patients going through rehab for addiction (researched the hard way). Curiously enough, one of the patients is a science fiction writer. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span data-mce-style="font-size: 12pt;">It is a very important story to me and to many of my readers. So, the following announcement:</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span data-mce-style="font-size: 12pt;">●Beginning Thursday, March 16th, 2020 at 12 Noon EDST (-4 GMT) I will
begin reading a chapter a day every noon from my recovery novel <i>Saint Mary Blue</i> (Internet willing and the creek don't rise). <i>SMB</i> is a story of very early recovery filled with laughs, tears, warnings, and hope.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span data-mce-style="font-size: 12pt;">●The
Zoom reading meeting code is <b>292-024-0794</b>. At the end of each chapter
reading there will be some time for questions and comments. Hope to see
you there. </span><br /><span data-mce-style="font-size: 12pt;"> ●<b>12:00 noon (-4 GMT) beginning April 16th, Zoom 292-024-0794. </b> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span data-mce-style="font-size: 12pt;">Pass it on.</span></span></span></div>
Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-82090616844645889142020-04-08T08:59:00.000-04:002020-04-08T08:59:43.710-04:00LOOK FOR THE OPPORTUNITY<div style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsQKDhWr8-aRYEDIm78LH_-79bb_39brTHAYljqq1HGZtvTyN7APGGdYORLGMMpbMvExIUtchE4DRnt41z-9ue3uUJJY7IYtB42m8Z3vBmvznrLVyGARQjoTWsi8xrPP-N8HtJ/s1600/Opportunity+Sign.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="316" data-original-width="474" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsQKDhWr8-aRYEDIm78LH_-79bb_39brTHAYljqq1HGZtvTyN7APGGdYORLGMMpbMvExIUtchE4DRnt41z-9ue3uUJJY7IYtB42m8Z3vBmvznrLVyGARQjoTWsi8xrPP-N8HtJ/s320/Opportunity+Sign.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Scary times: invisible death stalking the streets, jobs lost, businesses going under, world and local disease and death tolls on the rise, meetings of all kinds---business, church, Twelve Step, Scout, National Guard, even boot camp---being cancelled, it's the Covid-19 Boogie. These are the kinds of times that remind me of early recovery when I couldn't work, all my remaining relationships were like walking through mine fields, I was frightened of everyone who I needed to ask for help, waiters in restaurants and friends at parties kept offering me drinks, and every cell in my body was demanding a return to business as usual. Then I would call my sponsor or a program old timer, lay my bucket of woes on him, and invariably the return comment I would get was, "Look for the opportunity."</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8ZdDlhxKHJn8SKAUBgYMINyqaBIgHk6jiUR9SSbSyt3Oj_TDIroyl3SFYst3QbS664unN3EyLT6Q6EyJ9OE9YmuDEp-PlZ7TVd0mnDknv4w_sSC6pJZd9tPat5VNW1JI9MVwh/s1600/Opportunity+is+work.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1500" data-original-width="1500" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8ZdDlhxKHJn8SKAUBgYMINyqaBIgHk6jiUR9SSbSyt3Oj_TDIroyl3SFYst3QbS664unN3EyLT6Q6EyJ9OE9YmuDEp-PlZ7TVd0mnDknv4w_sSC6pJZd9tPat5VNW1JI9MVwh/s200/Opportunity+is+work.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Opportunity? My disease had latched onto twenty excellent reasons to feel terrified and miserable enough to use, and this guy wanted me to dig through all the horseshit to find the pony? </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well, yes. See, a grateful addict doesn't use. And although times may be tough, the tough times contain and even generate opportunities. For example, at last night's video conferencing meeting of the Farmington, Maine Dragon Slayers Group of NA, a newcomer at the meeting from Pakistan shared that he was only a few months clean and was pretty much limited to one meeting a week in his area, which was not enough. Then came the pandemic, physical NA meetings around the world shut down, Zoom and other video conferencing platforms began holding NA meetings open to the world, and now he can do numbers of meetings every day. He found lots of opportunities.</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKnefc2yErP3h2M2s-aEBPUcjcliBsnIcyMrk_LOIhBIxh76PD_EnXHKzw4N7h1UhfM1V_89ljQ00BWtngNV3Us0sUaES67pYOLfpy8nq2dpt6pX4zspaj_xIwDtetBvydFk4K/s1600/Opportunity+ladder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="462" data-original-width="822" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKnefc2yErP3h2M2s-aEBPUcjcliBsnIcyMrk_LOIhBIxh76PD_EnXHKzw4N7h1UhfM1V_89ljQ00BWtngNV3Us0sUaES67pYOLfpy8nq2dpt6pX4zspaj_xIwDtetBvydFk4K/s320/Opportunity+ladder.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I even found a couple of opportunities myself. At the three Farmington meetings, we had been pretty much limited to our local recovering community along with the occasional visitor. Now the number of those attending has increased quite a bit, and with recovering addicts attending from outside Franklin County, Maine, from all over the United States, and from many countries around the world. In the past week we have had recovering addicts from Iran, Australia, England, Iceland, Canada, Scotland, Ireland, and Pakistan. The stories shared are both familiar and new. We are indeed a fellowship bound by a common disease arrested by the mechanism of one addict helping another through the program of Narcotics Anonymous. What's more, now the number of addicts who I can help and who can help me has increased enormously.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There was another opportunity I found for me. I have seen a lot of faces and heard a lot of voices in the virtual NA meetings, men and women, young and old, of many nationalities, religions, political persuasions, colors, and economic stations. Instead of focusing on those differences, at the NA meetings we focus on the common problem: Staying clean and growing as happy productive members of society. It shows me that we are but one race: The Human Race. And we are all in the same little lifeboat, Planet Earth, sailing through space. It shows me that if we focus on our common problems and treat each other with compassion and respect, there are answers to be found.</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6DtDxojToUHKXsTptY3vG6heMa2rhNSIpZ41xYp1fMiRDwRwlbUDgHPSiZNQUvccZrcWGG_lGYLELsA08_UsWRNFG9otDQ3yNxVL40x6Fy54uZDMim6Joym1wvsoV2pIU6YVd/s1600/Opportunity+Milton+Berle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="630" data-original-width="1200" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6DtDxojToUHKXsTptY3vG6heMa2rhNSIpZ41xYp1fMiRDwRwlbUDgHPSiZNQUvccZrcWGG_lGYLELsA08_UsWRNFG9otDQ3yNxVL40x6Fy54uZDMim6Joym1wvsoV2pIU6YVd/s320/Opportunity+Milton+Berle.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Times are tough, but there are many opportunities within and around you. You can find them if you look for them. If all you look for is pain and disaster, of course, that is all you will find. Or, as an old timer once advised me, "If all you do is look at an asshole, sooner or later you are going to get an eyeful of something you really do not want to see."</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Be careful out there.</span></span></div>
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Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-40635538353846194912020-04-04T16:24:00.002-04:002020-04-04T16:24:32.863-04:00BOMBING ZOOM MEETINGS<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Social distancing and staying home and what to do about those whose lives depend on regular meeting attendance? Modern technology provided us with video conferencing, and Many Narcotics Anonymous meetings are on Zoom. You have a screen with a lot of faces, the hugs are virtual, but the sharing is still the same, except now with people from all over the world. This morning, April 4th, at the Ninish Group of Narcotics Anonymous, we had at one point 80-90 persons logged in from all over the United States and Canada, as well as England, and even Iran. It was a terrific meeting. And then it was Zoom bombed.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Zoom bombing, for those who do not know, is disrupting a meeting by loud language, profanity, and putting up genuinely gross porno clips that essentially make it necessary to shut down the meeting. From eighty recovering addicts dealing with life and maintaining being clean and serene by getting in touch with other recovering addicts, it went straight down to . . . well, it was another opportunity to use the Serenity Prayer, call sponsors, and dust off that list of things I really needed to let go of.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The easiest thing for an addict to do when Zoom bombed is to judge, condemn, and begin turning that old rage crank. The disease loves that. Make yourself miserable, and the payoff is what? Using. On the other hand, a whole bunch of other addicts take such virtual violence, become frightened, and swear never to go to another meeting again. The disease loves that, too. Make yourself miserable, deny yourself the program, and the payoff is what? Using.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">There is a bone in every recovering addict that has to vibrate at such disruption. Don't these people know they are costing lives? Have they no clue what is at risk? </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I believe that no one enters a meeting of Narcotics Anonymous by accident. See if you can relate to the using addict terrified of getting clean. If he or she can destroy recovery, then there is no point in putting down the drugs. I've seen this countless times over the years, mostly in school kids trying to get clean. Their using peers in school use all the pressure they can muster to drive the clean kid back into using. </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Don't these kids know they are costing lives? Have they no clue what is at risk?</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">All a using addict can see is that nothing comes between the addict and the drug. The law, health, family, future, loved ones, the respect for human life, none of it matters to one attempting to remove the threat of recovery from their lives. So, have I just inventoried a bunch of folks I don't know? Other than having been one of them at one point in my life, yeah, I guess I am. I think I'm pretty accurate, though.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The point is letting go: Accepting the things I cannot change (them), having the courage to change the things I can (myself and the settings on our Zoom meetings), and understanding that the best way to screw up your own day is to try and change someone else's.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I saw a terrific poster. It said, "Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The meetings, with new settings, will continue as usual. It took learning a lot of technical stuff no one was interested in, and a few tests, and we will see how it goes at our next Zoom meeting on Tuesday. And when you send a prayer to your Higher Power, throw in a thought for those terribly frightened addicts driving themselves to despicable depths to run from recovery. Pray for them and be grateful you are not one of them.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Serenity, and . . . be careful out there. </span></span></span></span></div>
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Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-68380894268813622972020-03-27T10:15:00.001-04:002020-03-27T10:15:52.443-04:00ONE #$@%*! DAY AT A TIME!<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <i><b>When in danger</b></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b>When in doubt</b></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b>Run in circles</b></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><b>Scream and shout!</b></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Big worldwide health problem, really bad numbers, stock portfolios and paychecks in the tank, massive government solutions, many ignoring the health safeguards and spreading the disease because some folks think, "Everybody is making too much of this." On the other hand, many panic causing shortages and even spreading the virus attempting to get away from it. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is a war, and just as in the more traditional military and anti-terrorist kinds of wars, this war has the potential for many to fall through the cracks and get impoverished, lost, or killed because of drastic measures not specifically tailored to certain classes or segments of society. Recovering addicts and those wanting to enter recovery are such a segment. We have special needs, and the most important of them is not using. The isolation requirements of the health safety measures interfere with one of the program's most important tools to keep from using: program meetings.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I do not know what the rehabilitation centers are doing. Some may be converting to treat the Covid-19 patients, others might be simply shutting down until the all clear. In our local area, all the physical locations where AA, Al-Anon, and NA meetings were held have cancelled all meetings until further notice. Schools, colleges, theaters shutting down, as well. </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqi5IaLcg3IdYfIRa1Ao0149RSTdVIXBhlCtsWj8qBemE3XLWd9iGHp0j5LwrApI9se8KA96D7ye6P3dGWlVMqO2CbKgoq7rONFdZ4zIxX7CFqIFpIoYEtluXgZ5troOyr9nQG/s1600/Dragon+Slayer+37.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="1280" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqi5IaLcg3IdYfIRa1Ao0149RSTdVIXBhlCtsWj8qBemE3XLWd9iGHp0j5LwrApI9se8KA96D7ye6P3dGWlVMqO2CbKgoq7rONFdZ4zIxX7CFqIFpIoYEtluXgZ5troOyr9nQG/s200/Dragon+Slayer+37.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I call my disease "the dragon," and the dragon was the originator of the saying, "Never let a good crisis go to waste." This is because any crisis, any change, any bad thing happening anywhere in the world is, as far as the dragon is concerned, fuel for its favorite fire: reasons to pick up and use again. I remember sharing in my rehab patient group about the things troubling me and making me feel guilty. I still remember my group counselor, June Qualy, saying to me, "Barry, it's not your fault that the Soviet Union occupied Poland." That was true, but it was an awful thing, and the dragon loves awful things, as well as things it can make look awful. Troubles, folks. Real troubles. We got 'em. Now, the dragon wants to know, what are you going to do about them?</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwbNS7RqtNV1Ji-EdOmm_H1getIgz7K6wkJETh5CW-EdkSVvrtqlYNLHSHITsE6dlPeJ-ClB9K7VGnAsuKISksFKeU09T88BoRS8v9tRr-cVNrKT1KYeNUOaQZGbPdg5HWujXg/s1600/pandemic-new-on-netflix-january-22nd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="112" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwbNS7RqtNV1Ji-EdOmm_H1getIgz7K6wkJETh5CW-EdkSVvrtqlYNLHSHITsE6dlPeJ-ClB9K7VGnAsuKISksFKeU09T88BoRS8v9tRr-cVNrKT1KYeNUOaQZGbPdg5HWujXg/s200/pandemic-new-on-netflix-january-22nd.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In my area and in much of Maine we are getting the meetings going again through video conferencing, particularly using the Zoom App. We are using the telephone more staying in touch with sponsors and others in the program. Those not computer or smart-phone savvy can get and stay in touch through the NA helplines. Mostly we recover by not picking up and doing what we need to do to stay grateful. If the walls feel like they are closing in and the dragon is blowing smoke in your ear, drag out that gratitude list and begin again. You can start with, "I'm still alive." Call a sponsor, someone else in the program, and if you are reading this you have access to the Zoom NA meetings. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The great part about Zoom meetings is you can be anywhere in the world and join a meeting. NA Web Servants are busily getting the Zoom NA meetings up on the NA state and world websites. The point here is the same as it has always been: Willing to go to any lengths to recover from addiction. You ever wonder why this blog is titled "Life Sucks Better Clean?" That's because, like now, problems make it so life sucks. The one thing guaranteed to make it worse, though, is using. That's why Life Sucks Better Clean.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Be careful out there.</span></span></div>
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Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-86081264995069158562020-03-24T12:51:00.001-04:002020-03-24T12:51:41.723-04:00DRAGON SLAYERS STILL OPEN FOR BUSINESS<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The disease of addiction loves change, discomfort, disruption, and chaos; It loves anything that can lure the recovering addict into thinking he or she is cut off from the program, things are horrible, and there is no hope. No meetings, no job, no toilet paper? Why try to stay clean?</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-x95cChFbWZIaOuM-M97LwipElCHmF-ZAnHBUZc-53kM_6mT_S5jdSANkSJ4Q4CGNaepGJ_YzKeK2ifFKRSE_YTx91Z2njNhw9nmGtHz4ZRdkeo5xRlzi77VWe789zssgfdJG/s1600/Old+Chums.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1581" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-x95cChFbWZIaOuM-M97LwipElCHmF-ZAnHBUZc-53kM_6mT_S5jdSANkSJ4Q4CGNaepGJ_YzKeK2ifFKRSE_YTx91Z2njNhw9nmGtHz4ZRdkeo5xRlzi77VWe789zssgfdJG/s320/Old+Chums.jpg" width="316" /></a><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We've done a couple posts on "Adapt, Improvise, Overcome." Examples of the NA program doing this, especially after traditional meeting places closed down, are the video conferencing meetings through Zoom and other venues. The Dragon Slayers in Farmington, Maine will be having its first Zoom meeting tonight. I posted the following on my Facebook page:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The Dragon Slayers Group of NA (Quarantined), the oldest NA meeting in the State of Maine, is meeting tonight (Tuesday 3-24) at 6:30 PM on Zoom. If you already Zoom, just enter the meeting number below before the meeting time. If you are new to Zoom meetings, do the following:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> 1. Go to Zoom and download the free app.<br /> 2. Click on the "Join" button.<br /> 3. In the "Enter Meeting ID" box, type in 468401171<span class="text_exposed_hide"></span><span class="text_exposed_show"><br /> At 6:30 PM EST You will be in the Dragon Slayers NA meeting. <br /> It is recommended you use earbuds or earphones to prevent delay echoes.<br /> The Dragon Slayers are doing this for the first time, Terry Z. will be hosting/chairing, and despite possible glitches it should fill in for us a very empty gap. Have a good meeting.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="text_exposed_show">The basic Zoom app is free and there are no fees. There will be a Seventh Tradition PayPal button, but no payments are required. Zoom is the only video conferencing app with which I have experience, but I am sure there are more. Share that information. This is a temporary disruption and the more of us who are clean, sober, and alive when the all-clear sounds, the easier it will be to put the old meetings back together.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="text_exposed_show">Don't pick up, click on to meetings, and ask for help. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="text_exposed_show">This, too, shall pass.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="text_exposed_show">The pen and ink drawing is by Martin Springett and is titled "Old Chums."</span></span></span></div>
Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-12712045049449494712020-03-20T16:33:00.002-04:002020-03-20T16:33:59.578-04:00WHEN IT RAINS IT POURS<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Death toll going up, kids on spring break sobering up long enough to quit playing sardines on the beaches, the number of dead in Italy overwhelming the ability of authorities to dispose of them, restaurants and theaters closing down, can't go to work, we're down to a ramen noodle diet, and <i>we're still running out of toilet paper! </i>Just to throw another pork chop on the pig-pile, the church in which the Dragon Slayers Group of NA meets (met) has closed down all meetings. So now what do we do?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Adapt, improvise, overcome.</b> Right now we are looking into Zoom for conference meets, and in my mind's eye I see circles of automobiles in otherwise deserted parking lots, the drivers speaking into their phones and saying, "God, grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can . . ."</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Perhaps that will not be the solution, but if not that then something else. Remember: Addiction is a room with countless exits. All you need to do is be willing to try the doors.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: red;"><b>DO NOT FORGET:</b></span> Call others in the program, call your sponsor (if you don't have one, now is a choice time to go and get one on the phone!), read that literature, work those Steps, journal those feelings, and <i>do not pick up.</i> When the all-clear sounds, you want to be there to hear it.</span></span></div>
Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-48841748289997027222020-03-18T09:40:00.000-04:002020-03-18T09:40:05.523-04:00DRAGON SLAYERS: OPEN FOR BUSINESS<div style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhrs64Ww-jHLQZqg5nfRAgWQaadutzGVTz-oaFl9V65Z9dk-_bCP-Xg_8NqPPBU4Y3swELgoGl5lulqA9gKux7ZDf4EK-dEIbTqxxSAsOn8_VLXkDCWX-GNAHbPGVA0rGwCbT9/s1600/blue+fire+dragon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="180" data-original-width="300" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhrs64Ww-jHLQZqg5nfRAgWQaadutzGVTz-oaFl9V65Z9dk-_bCP-Xg_8NqPPBU4Y3swELgoGl5lulqA9gKux7ZDf4EK-dEIbTqxxSAsOn8_VLXkDCWX-GNAHbPGVA0rGwCbT9/s320/blue+fire+dragon.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">We had a meeting last night at the Dragon Slayers NA Group in Farmington, Maine. There were four of us: Three in person and one by phone. Plenty of distance between participants, hand sanitizers and wipes, only one person touched the Seventh Tradition basket. At the closing we stood in a widely spaced circle (or triangle considering how few of us there were), said the "We" version of the Serenity Prayer, then it was back to the world.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">A great many changes in numbers and format. The subject, however, was the same: Experience, strength, and hope on staying clean and in recovery for the next twenty-four hours. What did we do and what were we planning to do to protect ourselves, our loved ones, and everyone else from the Covid-19 Virus. What had we done and what were we thinking of doing to make positives out of kids being home from closed schools and colleges. What had we done and what were we planning on doing to stay in touch with others in the program, to grow in the program, and stay in recovery. Among those things we discussed were conference call meetings, Face time, Zoom, and a number of other tech options.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">It was a good meeting, and the Dragon Slayers is the oldest NA group in the State of Maine. It is not so much a prideful thing; It's just the way things turned out. The meeting is still going on because we were there. Those who attended are still clean partly because the meeting was there. Will it still be there next Tuesday? Who can say? But look at it this way: When you have been clean and gainfully employed for awhile, you can afford smart phones, laptop computers, and such. Newcomers though often come with little more than the clothes on their backs. A sit-down meeting is, perhaps, all they can manage. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">So, what if more than ten addicts show up at a meeting? Gatherings of more than ten are forbidden in our area. We heard of an AA meeting that exceeded this limit by the addition of a newcomer who came in off the street. Three oldtimers got up, went to another room and had a meeting of their own there. Adapt, Improvise, Overcome.</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfyGqP7uSL1nwOpwHW_iEfOPuIxRdJItJJYjX-KA47v7ZLXtgVQqHNr_rDg1fNU2PoH0iFhBs9kCN-8ac9TPkNRXVjmDF-gLZ2NG92FUrhcdj5FAjIND_DbM0CF67Co_XbyO7S/s1600/Dragon+02.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="283" data-original-width="263" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfyGqP7uSL1nwOpwHW_iEfOPuIxRdJItJJYjX-KA47v7ZLXtgVQqHNr_rDg1fNU2PoH0iFhBs9kCN-8ac9TPkNRXVjmDF-gLZ2NG92FUrhcdj5FAjIND_DbM0CF67Co_XbyO7S/s200/Dragon+02.jpg" width="185" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Someone was there when I was fresh out of rehab and others just in off the streets. In addition, "We can keep what we have only by giving it away." But what about the risks? The Covid-19 Virus is terribly contagious and has virtually paralyzed the world! What about an overabundance of caution?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">True. But consider this: At this writing there have been 116 confirmed deaths in the United States from the Covid-19 Virus. Almost double that number die <i>every day</i> in the US from drug overdoses.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Wash your hands, use hand sanitizers, maintain "social distance," don't touch your face, when you get back home wash your clothes, and add all these tools to sponsorship, using the telephone, working the Steps, reading the literature, and making some kind of meeting. Through telephone lines, cell towers, wi-fi, or in person: Meeting makers make it. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Be careful out there. Addiction can't be washed off, killed, nor does it ever self quarantine. </span></span></div>
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Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-47324685828991270362020-03-17T08:27:00.001-04:002020-03-17T08:27:15.950-04:00THE ENEMY OF CHANGE<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Seemingly overnight things are different. Classes, business, recovery, and political meetings, theme parks, and even restaurants and bars are shortening hours or suspending operations, or outright cancelling anything involving small, medium, or large gatherings. The Covid-19 pandemic is here, and many of us find change of even the littlest things burdensome. The changes brought on by attempting to cope with a pandemic, though, are momentous. Change can be inconvenient, disappointing, heart breaking, and calamitous. Many roll with reality's punches and simply get on with things. Many become grumpy and spoil their day and take it out on friends, family, and associates. For recovering addicts, such change is simply one more possible excuse to develop the fuckits and jump back into the nightmare.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The change list is endless: The kids are home all the time now, I had to leave my job to take care of them, Betty has a paper due for her history class and her boyfriend cancelled out on their date, my doctor's appointment has been moved to four months from now, they've cancelled the political rally I was going to attend, I can't find a mask anywhere, and <i>we're running out of toilet paper! </i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, what can you do besides set your hair on fire and use drugs to make it through the coming weeks? Well, if you've ever been in the military, chances are you've heard the following: <span style="color: red;"><b>Adapt, Improvise, Overcome.</b></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: red;"><b>Adapt:</b></span> It is a verb, an action word, that means "(1) make suitable for a new use or purpose; modify; (2) become adjusted to new conditions." Change is the one thing that never changes. It happens all the time. Life forms that can successfully adapt to the changes survive. Those who cannot become extinct. Kids are home all the time now, unplug the game platforms and start your own home school. All those home repairs you've been putting off? Now might be the time to get to work on them. Your home group recovery meeting has been suspended? Use the telephone, read the literature, work on your steps. The point here is that you have a mind; Use it.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: red;"><b>Improvise: </b><span style="color: black;">Another action word. This one means "(1) produce or make (something) from whatever is available." </span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Running out of
toilet paper? Ration what you have left, use Kleenex, bum wipes, or if
you are really tough, those old rolls of Christmas wrapping paper. Before there
ever was toilet paper, the Romans used sponges to wash their butts. Can you do your job from home? Can you learn how to do that? If your employment has been suspended, can you find a temporary job you can do at home? Perhaps your meetings could be done through conference calls, or social media. Your way of doing things may be interrupted, but you still have other choices.</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: red;"><span></span></span><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: red;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span></span><span></span><b><span style="color: red;">Overcome</span></b><span><b><span style="color: red;">:</span></b> Yet one more action word which means "(1) succeed in dealing with (a problem or difficulty); (2) defeat (an opponent); prevail." In other words, win. For us winning involves getting through the next twenty-four hours intact, alive, sane, and clean.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: red;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span>Once you are in recovery, no matter what happens, <i>relapsing is a choice.</i> Reality is well stocked with curve balls to throw at us. Burning your bat and hitting up a dealer or your local bud emporium to numb out in response to those curve balls is a loser play.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: red;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span>Adapt, improvise, overcome, and be careful out there.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-6574249815934183242020-03-16T06:43:00.000-04:002020-03-16T06:43:41.879-04:00THE OLDTIMER'S DICTIONARY<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Complaining is a hostile form of prayer request usually directed at those who cannot do anything about the subject of the complaint.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whining is attempting to change someone's mind through sheer weight of annoyance.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rioting is whining through destruction.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Time to meditate upon living in the solution rather than in the problem. Recovery is an action program. As a priest in the fellowship once said to me, "You can't get goosed by the holy spirit sitting on your ass."</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-80043390597675902122020-03-15T11:07:00.000-04:002020-03-15T11:07:38.780-04:00COVID-19! SHORTAGES! CANCELLATIONS! WHAT'LL WE DO? WHAT WILL WE DO?<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I have had to cancel out of my high school reunion which means I will be available not to attend a conflicting NA retreat. A friend from Boston called to say that the hospital in which several AA and NA meetings were held has closed down all meetings. Our own local hospital, which hosts several AA and NA meetings, has also closed down all meetings. The slogan is: "Meeting Makers Make It." If the meetings are cut by 70 to 90 percent, what then?</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSadDd7u87SDbXotnNZ9hEJk11A7YCETojS8Us-6O7AZCiLBTeyn5J08RDgMGH9SljxHvrsPJaA2Ocq3I-_LZIKDCnUaxbj6UleRZrmGfXg0g2DnydcaR2IGaqY6JEqIg-HrBh/s1600/Don%2527t+Panic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="282" data-original-width="425" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSadDd7u87SDbXotnNZ9hEJk11A7YCETojS8Us-6O7AZCiLBTeyn5J08RDgMGH9SljxHvrsPJaA2Ocq3I-_LZIKDCnUaxbj6UleRZrmGfXg0g2DnydcaR2IGaqY6JEqIg-HrBh/s200/Don%2527t+Panic.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">A lesson a new downhill skier or snowboarder gets early in his or her instruction is: If you get into a tight spot and it looks as though disaster is only a second or two away: <b><i>Do Not Panic!</i></b> Do the best you can at what you know even though things things look bleak. <i><b>Try.</b></i> You just might get through it and look damned good doing it. The one thing guaranteed to bust you up and possibly kill you, however, is to give in to panic. This applies to life and to recovery, as well. It certainly applies to what health services, nations, and businesses are doing these days to help lessen the spreading of the Covid-19 virus and how those measures affect those in recovery and those attempting to get clean. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Nothing new. You do what it takes to stay clean and sober. Instead of sitting at home and playing with resentments, watching TV, or eating bonbons, now might be a good time to dust off that Basic Text or Big Book and read about recovery. We are told to look for the opportunities in adversity, and if your meetings are cancelled, what a great opportunity to get to work on that next Step. Perhaps you can pick up that sanitized telephone and call your sponsor or someone else in the program. There is always program literature to read, and the recovery tool of writing. Take that warren of worries in your head, write and put your feelings on paper (works better than tapping on a keyboard; Don't know why).</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Alcoholics Anonymous pioneered solving the problem of recovery in isolation. Through the mail, through the telephone, and now through the net and social media we still have a program, meetings, and recovery. Those in recovery can share here and in their social media specific information regarding Facebook recovery groups, online and telephone meetings for all Twelve Step recovery programs.</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq8KWD0UMAfo31Pb_4NHjtmzrIp2x13BJT_rP3F0UttJpmbkQlbtIvXqs1r8Mfl4QrqlXC4tjjZ5yH3cbfGHpeLHWQmxOzHT6WeTZodFmtNFLgYcpRCRP9g8OIcCzgAibYdfmj/s1600/Please+Share.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq8KWD0UMAfo31Pb_4NHjtmzrIp2x13BJT_rP3F0UttJpmbkQlbtIvXqs1r8Mfl4QrqlXC4tjjZ5yH3cbfGHpeLHWQmxOzHT6WeTZodFmtNFLgYcpRCRP9g8OIcCzgAibYdfmj/s320/Please+Share.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">As the newcomer was explaining all of the complex issues and reasons making it impossible for him to come to meetings, the old timer said, "You're wearing yourself out. If you want out of the program, any path will take you there." </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The excuses for skipping meetings now have never been better. Please share below what you are going to do.</span></span></div>
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Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-26734663637990142002020-03-11T09:01:00.000-04:002020-03-11T09:01:07.626-04:00HUGS AND BUGS<div style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijIfFvOC5y_tHplEwnJH7tYBdW0T0c2xAHBo_99KqrigsMrWLgzSGNnGu_n6ocnxeUgcflRN7T1thnOdbfjd1NRfsEY3PFuyDQfABdMuZPKofmsmEAlAmqO43Wl67Y2AVwkAA0/s1600/Flu+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="767" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijIfFvOC5y_tHplEwnJH7tYBdW0T0c2xAHBo_99KqrigsMrWLgzSGNnGu_n6ocnxeUgcflRN7T1thnOdbfjd1NRfsEY3PFuyDQfABdMuZPKofmsmEAlAmqO43Wl67Y2AVwkAA0/s200/Flu+2.jpg" width="170" /></a><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, another great set of excuses for not going to meetings is spreading across the world. This time it is the Corona Virus. Colds are okay excuses, and there is always the flu. Now that NA has some decades behind it, we also have a gaggle of aged oldtimers, many with underlying medical conditions and compromised immune systems. </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2Wk7If4pAEYfBEfAD06rg6II-r_VrzXAFwkg0u2Q911uRDnGJuotsNctdlWHcQqEaPVwRme3Uo9PZaJjqFjPh1GYnXcnab5frR8IYc1bpUWTBx8mEd07_Gu_rQgzs7GO5fN7E/s1600/1200px-2019-nCoV-CDC-23312.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1201" data-original-width="1200" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2Wk7If4pAEYfBEfAD06rg6II-r_VrzXAFwkg0u2Q911uRDnGJuotsNctdlWHcQqEaPVwRme3Uo9PZaJjqFjPh1GYnXcnab5frR8IYc1bpUWTBx8mEd07_Gu_rQgzs7GO5fN7E/s200/1200px-2019-nCoV-CDC-23312.png" width="199" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Funny
the Dragon should mention that: about the "possibly fatal illness." I
already have a more than possibly fatal illness called "addiction." In addition, its fatality rate makes the Corona Virus look like a case of
sniffles in comparison. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My disease of addiction absolutely loves these moments. They present countless opportunities to sabotage my program of recovery. "Drop meetings," it says. "It only makes sense. I mean, they <i>hug</i> at those things! Do you want to catch a possibly fatal illness?" "Put the step work aside for now; It's time to clean the house and stock up on canned goods." "No point in calling my sponsor; He's probably becoming a hermit."</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXp1elOYNNXzy8NqamVHgpaBKPU1SCYra7J9S6a4AVtCVJaptDT0fz5bzKqKd3FpA87VOiEn6yvS3nx7O7SXKEPxTOrP2s9fo1SCgmJWjcOJWZwdZawtjbI31x8upuzAKsMgX4/s1600/Flu+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="333" data-original-width="390" height="170" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXp1elOYNNXzy8NqamVHgpaBKPU1SCYra7J9S6a4AVtCVJaptDT0fz5bzKqKd3FpA87VOiEn6yvS3nx7O7SXKEPxTOrP2s9fo1SCgmJWjcOJWZwdZawtjbI31x8upuzAKsMgX4/s200/Flu+3.jpg" width="200" /></a> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">"Jails, institutions, and death." Left untreated, those are the end results of addiction. Over the course of my recovery I have had endless excuses and some pretty good reasons to skip meetings, avoid my runny nosed brothers and sisters, mostly to "look out for myself." You know, "protect my health."</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj776XD6O03u9QsKYVLTuECbPSIH8A18dGgAK-UfJRZ9mqbv7GF_tu7yWy2AUO5ugCJ2yKhJ2JZmvzJflyedobUmpES78fxgqx35ICkVd2utnkXiHRyMftBz_2fQ7799GwDwWoG/s1600/Flu+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="900" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj776XD6O03u9QsKYVLTuECbPSIH8A18dGgAK-UfJRZ9mqbv7GF_tu7yWy2AUO5ugCJ2yKhJ2JZmvzJflyedobUmpES78fxgqx35ICkVd2utnkXiHRyMftBz_2fQ7799GwDwWoG/s200/Flu+4.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Protecting my health, back when I was using, was my disease's rational for me to switch from rum to "diet" beer. I was saving thousands of calories a day and I couldn't understand why I was gaining so much weight. Then my disease suggested I quit the diet beer and drink rum. Rum had even fewer calories. The point here is that the suggestions my disease makes to me regarding health and medical issues, relationships, choices in clothing, parenting skills, or whether to attend meetings are by design aimed at one purpose: to get and keep me back in the nightmare.</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNciAl88SUrwZ-zVJ4OMtm3BxRGldY5EATFff8byfyZtco0dYmBv95YStzDZIEVoQb2NRufT2j9TYAhq5YIjZN_7bUXzaNiviMv3wFLyPe7GFNWtmJ8r75QwKKtI7N1ikAst_X/s1600/NA+logo+blue.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="153" data-original-width="153" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNciAl88SUrwZ-zVJ4OMtm3BxRGldY5EATFff8byfyZtco0dYmBv95YStzDZIEVoQb2NRufT2j9TYAhq5YIjZN_7bUXzaNiviMv3wFLyPe7GFNWtmJ8r75QwKKtI7N1ikAst_X/s1600/NA+logo+blue.jpg" /></a><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There are sensible precautions one can take during cold and flu season and throughout the occasional pandemic. Possibly your meeting could forego the traditional closing hug. If that is not agreeable, those at risk (old, immune compromised) could stand aside from the hug circle during the closing. If you are sick, wear a mask to keep from spreading it. Wash your hands, use the hand sanitizers, stay hydrated, don't touch your face, and avoid putting stuff in your mouth handed to you by someone else. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There are telephone meetings and I can see virtual meetings through the net and social media coming into their own. Stay in touch with your sponsor, keep on with your program, use the telephone, read the literature, check in with your HP, keep up with step work, and hit those meetings. Should you live so long and make it back to a meeting after a relapso grande, do you really want to say that why you stopped going to meetings was because you were afraid of catching something? If you are like me, you already have something and it is a disease that is doing its best to kill me. There is a proven way to arrest my disease which does not involve either separating myself from the program nor isolating myself. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Be careful out there and do not let the disease choose your day. </span></span></div>
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Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-6555740115351610872019-12-31T10:03:00.001-05:002019-12-31T10:03:19.005-05:00NEW DAY'S RESOLUTIONS<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The new year (2020) begins for those in the US's Eastern Standard Time Zone at midnight (EST). It is different all over the world, but one thing is the same: New Year's resolutions. What's it going to be this time? Losing weight? Making it to the gym? Stopping smoking? Reading more books? Taking that course? Studying more and upping grade point averages? Eat healthier? Rekindle old friendships? Get and stay clean?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Speaking just for myself, new year's resolutions never worked for me. A year is a rather large chunk of time. To eat healthy and in moderation, in other words: uproot and rearrange my entire life for twelve months was a goal that became compromised then tossed out after only a few days. My resolution to quit smoking tobacco lasted four hours and sixteen minutes. I had taken all my pipes and tobacco out in my back yard, burned them, and in mere hours was back in the local drug store buying it all back, plus adding cigars! I was facing an entire year of no tobacco, and the deprivation blues were too much.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I eventually did stop smoking, but it was for thirty minutes. At the end of that thirty minutes, I asked my HP for another thirty minutes smoke free. I had added nicotine to my list of drugs in NA, and if I smoked another pipe or cigar, I'd have to pick up a white beginner's key-tag and start my clean time all over again. At the time I had two years in the program and was very proud of that time. At the end of the day, I was still smoke free. The next morning I took on not smoking for another day, but this time an hour at a time. Then I had two days. One day at a time I lasted a month at the end of which I realized when I went to bed, I had gone all day without thinking of smoking. Yesterday marked my 38th year clean from mood altering drugs, and my 36th year free from tobacco.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Tackling problems one day at time works, and I'm not just referring to drugs, alcohol, nicotine, or overeating. That garage or basement that is cluttered with junk may seem too overwhelming to clean. But take one little part, throw away or sell the stuff, clean the surfaces, then look at it the next day and decide again. Clean another little patch? Why not? The first one was no big deal. Clean another little patch, then the next day another, and one day you will look up and the whole place will be clean.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Do what you need to do, one day at a time, get the help you need, and understand and use the principles of the Serenity Prayer: "serenity to accept the things I cannot change and courage to change the things I can." </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Happy New Day everyone, and may you have many more.</span></span></div>
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<br />Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-56418947614579041112019-12-12T11:25:00.001-05:002019-12-12T11:25:42.232-05:00THINKING ABOUT REHAB?<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I just had occasion to reformat my novel Saint Mary Blue and make it available again as both Kindle and trade paperback. To do that I had to read it again. It is the story of a group of patients going through treatment at Saint Mary's Rehabilitation Center in Minneapolis. I wrote it one year after researching this novel the hard way and graduating from Saint Mary's. That particular rehab is now owned by Fairview Rehabilitation Services. That may have changed but inside it's business as usual: putting down the stuff and relearning How To Be A Human.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Working on the republication of this work brought it all back from my nightmarish flirting with suicide, the intervention, my foggy sick arrival at rehab, and my stumbling first days fencing with the disease of addiction, with the rehab staff, with my fellow group members, and even with myself. The work is fiction but there is nothing fictional about it. In a few days I will be celebrating my 38th anniversary clean and sober. I owe a very large part of that success to rehab and to its follow-up program.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There are all kinds of rehabilitation facilities, and of all degrees of quality. If you want to get clean, if you want to get sober, and if you want to stay that way, a professional treatment center can give you one hell of a good start. An incompetent treatment center is often worse than no treatment at all. At the time I thought rehab was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Through a lot of pain and much humility I found that it gave me back my life, my family, my career, hope, tears, love, and laughter: A good deal at any price.</span></div>
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Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-66084233509159914752019-11-19T15:17:00.000-05:002019-11-22T11:43:48.150-05:00LIFE SUCKS BETTER CLEAN ~ TABLE OF CONTENTS<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Getting to past LSBC posts has always been tough with Blogger, so I have put together a table of contents on my Authors Guild website, each title links to its reading, The link is on the right at the top of Learn More. Any time you want to go to the table of contents, click on that link. This should make it easier to find those recovery gems of yesteryear. </span><br />
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Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-9795375040507454872019-05-06T14:28:00.000-04:002019-05-06T14:28:20.334-04:00HOW TO DESIGN A HIGHER POWER<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A few minutes after meeting my new sponsor at his home, he sat me down at his dining room table, put a piece of paper, and a pencil in front of me. "Now what we're going to do is design you a higher power."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: large;">He sat next to me, faced the paper toward himself, wrote a line on it, and faced it toward me. The line read: <em>"Has the power to keep me clean for a day when asked."</em></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: large;">"That's all I require from your higher power," he said. "Throw on anything else you want."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: large;">Wow! Did my inflated intellect and barely subdued disease ever want to have fun with this! "What?" I said. "This piece of paper?"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: large;">He shrugged. "Pretend it's a teddy bear, a sunset, a favorite chair, Allah, Vishnu, or the keychain in your pocket if you want. But if you ask that piece of paper for the strength to keep you clean for a day, you will get another day away from the nightmare." Then came the big lesson, which I have mentioned in this blog several times before: "You don't have to believe in this shit for it to work. All you have to do is <em>do</em> it."</span></div>
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The search for a Higher Power and figuring out how to fit one into your life and recovery can be difficult, particularly among rabid god-haters such as I was. I wanted to take this nonsense, discount the whole thing, and throw it in the wastebasket. I didn't, though, because I told my sponsor I would do what he asked.</div>
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I don't think I personified my paper HP nor borrowed any of the available gods and goddesses from current and ancient religion. Unnamed and "up there" somewhere, I asked for another day clean. I not only got that next twenty-four hours clean, <em>it was easy.</em></div>
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Since then I have added on a few things. They are in my mind since I lost that piece of paper a long time ago. My HP needs to be okay with me testing it. I needed to see it work in my life and in a manner I could understand. One time, looking for a parking place, and frustrated on that account, I came up with my first test. "Okay, give me parking places." I found a parking place, and the parking places I've gotten since are embarrassingly great. My HP listens to me and answers every prayer, sometimes with "No."</div>
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There are a number of other things I added to my list, but I do not need to know and understand my HP. What I need is to be clean one day at a time and grow in recovery. Every now and then I need direction on what to do. How it works, why it works, and so on are not my questions to answer. </div>
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Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-82111435144967663902019-04-29T08:24:00.000-04:002019-04-29T08:25:47.576-04:00TAKING MIRACLES FOR GRANTED<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shaker Wall at the Center</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Brothers In Spirit, the annual men's retreat at the Notre Dame Spiritual Center in Alfred, Maine was meeting for the 20th time. I was program chair, our theme was "That Higher Power Thing," and for the previous couple of weeks I had been sweating cannonballs. The program, essentially, involved discussing and sharing on probably the most difficult and personal subject in NA, the Higher Power problem, as well as one of the most explosive issues in the world: believing, not believing, in which god, how to use or be used by this or that supreme being, which message or messages to follow, which set of rituals, which raiment, which set of dietary laws, which set of scriptures, which holy beings in which sect to follow to be good with the spirit world, good with my fellow temple, church, synagogue, mosque, circle mates, and keeping, as well, those in differing sects from throwing bombs through my window and slaughtering everyone with swords and submachine gun fire.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Addicts, especially those new in recovery, are not the most tolerant of persons. Neither are they usually patient, forgiving, non-judgmental, understanding, nor open-minded. These are skills and qualities one develops after years and decades in recovery. One cannot count on old-timers, however. As with modern education, I have known those who managed to go through the entire process of recovery without learning much nor changing a thing. So, we proposed to take this bunch, mix them up with the world's most controversial subject, and see if we could learn anything from the process. I should add, we did not provide metal detectors nor pat-down body searches at the meetings.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia"; font-size: large;">Check out this program:</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: black;"><strong>Came To Believe —or </strong></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><strong>Not!</strong> </span><span style="color: black;">For many the biggest stumbling block
in recovery is the “came to believe” part of Step Two. Why do that? How do you begin
believing? How to get around a life of unbelieving. </span></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: black;"><strong>The Decision: Wills &
Lives</strong> </span><span style="color: black;"><em>In recovery, what does turning one’s
will and life over to an HP mean? How is it done? How to detect reservations. </em></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: black;"><strong>To Find, Have & Use an HP</strong> </span><span style="color: black;"><em>Talk
is not cheap if your Higher Power is nothing more than words. How to find and
use your individual Higher Power in recovery and in life. </em></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: black;"><strong>Sending & Receiving</strong> </span><span style="color: black;"><em>Sharing the prayers we use and the
ways we meditate, not just to achieve a closer contact with our HP’s, but to
stay clean, grow in recovery, and live life. </em></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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</em><strong>Journeys In Spirituality</strong> <em>We find our HPs each on our own path,
but many get stuck along the way. Sharing experience, strength, and hope in our
spiritual journeys.</em></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="color: black; font-family: "georgia";">There were tears, laughter, and men sharing their deepest fears, pains, hopes, loves, and aspirations. We all learned from each other, picked up what we could use to apply to our own lives and recoveries, got help where we needed it, exchanged numbers and made bonds of friendship and fellowship. What we did not do is argue, judge, nor attempt to dictate or control what another believed, how they prayed, nor even if they prayed. What we all did was shut up and listen to each other.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><span style="color: black; font-family: "georgia";">When a recovering addict speaks in the circle on what he believes or how he communicates with his HP, we listened. We didn't stab him to death, blow up his room, smear his name in the media, nor slaughter four hundred innocent passersby in protest. We listened, often celebrated his achievement, and even learned a thing or three we could apply to our own spiritual journeys. <span style="color: black; font-family: "georgia";">It was a miracle that outshone any bright lights or burning bushes and we almost let it pass without recognizing it for what it was. Thankfully, a couple of speakers pointed it out at the last sharing session. You don't want to let those miracles zip on by without notice. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1Lbvp5n21xLnU9GdrV2SspRNmxZDyh4cHLNB-VjD1dgdGlpgJAi7-jhJT1BZBJWXnvRLwFvIpt_Xxc9I5yZ4islhjn3ZhkwMdXpvuLc0IX2b5sq1nkV2MdFDjZUydf0TIssVf/s1600/BIS20thAnniversary.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="965" data-original-width="1050" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1Lbvp5n21xLnU9GdrV2SspRNmxZDyh4cHLNB-VjD1dgdGlpgJAi7-jhJT1BZBJWXnvRLwFvIpt_Xxc9I5yZ4islhjn3ZhkwMdXpvuLc0IX2b5sq1nkV2MdFDjZUydf0TIssVf/s320/BIS20thAnniversary.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="color: black; font-family: "georgia";"><span style="color: black; font-family: "georgia";">There is an old newspaper yarn about what constitutes a newsworthy story. "Dog Bites Man," is not newsworthy. "Man Bites Dog" is. Churches, mosques, synagogues, and those of various faiths being torched, blown up, and worshippers slain in endless horrific ways is almost so commonplace it isn't newsworthy unless the body count is so high it in itself becomes remarkable. </span> Well, under the heading of "Man Bites Dog," in a tiny town in Maine, Jews, Christians, Islamists, Pagans, Buddhists, and atheists got together to peacefully discuss spirituality, higher powers, recovery, share their deepest beliefs, and learn from each other. And they did.</span></span></div>
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Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-65129376649417344822019-03-25T09:13:00.000-04:002019-03-25T09:13:29.244-04:00THE DUES<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">The meeting was about early recovery and how sticky
that drug can get when you first try to put it down. Non-addicts do not
understand this stickiness, this pull, this almost supernatural command to pick
up that drug and use. These are the same folks who tell you, “If drugs are screwing
up your life, why don’t you stop?” We had a number of newcomers at the meeting
and they shared about those struggles, successes, and failures. For those who
have been clean for years and decades, hearing about early recovery from those
who are living it helps keep things fresh. The disease is alive and well, and
every recovering addict, including the old-timer, is just one bad decision away from a return to the
nightmare. The main thing newcomer meetings emphasize are what some of us call
“The Dues.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjDRQw5tvnqwcQyc67k7s70lFemTD9_6LR6vEsZiJj2Ezs_epnZ4lBgbVOFtBzf_KbiKo5Rw7bZu0JpmrLGomhkpBUhK2ND4qiopOoCdHstXbtlJOQRiRWXiLDNw01CV9Mrcm7/s1600/Dragon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="499" data-original-width="360" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjDRQw5tvnqwcQyc67k7s70lFemTD9_6LR6vEsZiJj2Ezs_epnZ4lBgbVOFtBzf_KbiKo5Rw7bZu0JpmrLGomhkpBUhK2ND4qiopOoCdHstXbtlJOQRiRWXiLDNw01CV9Mrcm7/s320/Dragon.jpg" width="230" /></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">“Narcotics Anonymous is a club with the most
expensive membership dues in the world.” I heard that in an NA meeting about
thirty years ago. When you add up all of the costs of addiction, the prices, the
financial problems, the health problems, mental problems, loss of freedom, being
thrown out of one home after another, problems with the law, with employment,
rejection of friends and family, and discover those are only the down payments on the dues, the size of the problem gets frightening. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="border-image: none; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Many don't appreciate the size of that balloon payment on
their dues until they try to put down the drug. When they do that they discover that
the disease of addiction is almost a real creature with a separate personality and a
very loud voice. It talks, whines, cajoles, bullies, and has physical access to
emotions, to mental focus, and to almost every nerve. It is very much like a
very powerful mad-scientist dictator who has had power over you for a very long time
and who isn’t going to give up control of you without a struggle. You try to put down
the drug, the battle begins, and the battlefield is you. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="border-image: none; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I call it “the dragon,” some addicts call it “a
monkey on my back,” and some call it “a gorilla on my back.” What is comes down
to is a condition that presents itself as almost a separate personality whose
only ambition is to get you back on the pills, powders, and potions. It makes
it so you can only see loneliness, misery, pain, disappointment, injustice, and
horror. It does this with the promise that all that will go away if you simply pick
up and use. As I heard one recovering addict say, “The monkey is off my back
but the circus is still in town.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="border-image: none; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzkFCrCWsq2MHIOnB0LQY-uFJc-q8KZgO5MKA7sLp3vwseNQnswSclMj3E7YF655b09cvc9haSOmw4O1oG5Cx7FFa5aDWZILso7Ln6009924D8StJ1Z7iL1_oFxgaOOoPVOi1u/s1600/monkey_on_my_back%252Cjpg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="211" data-original-width="244" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzkFCrCWsq2MHIOnB0LQY-uFJc-q8KZgO5MKA7sLp3vwseNQnswSclMj3E7YF655b09cvc9haSOmw4O1oG5Cx7FFa5aDWZILso7Ln6009924D8StJ1Z7iL1_oFxgaOOoPVOi1u/s1600/monkey_on_my_back%252Cjpg.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">No sweet fairy tales here: Early recovery sucks. It
is hard and often painful filling one’s head with constant doubts, worries, and
a million good-sounding reasons for picking up. In Narcotics anonymous the
addict new in recovery gets tools to use to combat those urges to pick up. The
main tool for me was going to meetings—lots and lots of meetings. There I heard
others going through the same things I was going through and how they dealt with them without
using. After some time passed the cravings went away and it got much easier. But
that condition only remained by continuing to use the tools of the
program.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="border-image: none; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">A tool I had a hard time learning to use was the
telephone. Calling another recovering addict when I was up against it sparked
this peculiar thing in me: I didn’t want to ask anyone for help because they
might think I needed it. Then one day I was faced with what seemed to be a
simple choice. The dragon was sitting on my desk and it was either pick up the
drug or pick up the phone. It was a monumental struggle, but I picked up that ten ton phone, called another addict, we talked it out, and I was
clean for another day. Phone calls became much easier.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaGvtxuDfV0ef9I78n3xNy_zkMY5ithVvbmZ8uSJ7X9SCvp-si8qCfKX3eaDtLeEb0XD3I3R_TiU1oZMj18aFXTtoiKAV4G38cWh6vK8aOtXX4P_d1KMl_iDHNk6ScRUnziB4Y/s1600/Angry+gorilla.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="187" data-original-width="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaGvtxuDfV0ef9I78n3xNy_zkMY5ithVvbmZ8uSJ7X9SCvp-si8qCfKX3eaDtLeEb0XD3I3R_TiU1oZMj18aFXTtoiKAV4G38cWh6vK8aOtXX4P_d1KMl_iDHNk6ScRUnziB4Y/s1600/Angry+gorilla.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The dues to get into this club of recovering
addicts are terrible and expensive, but they only need to be paid once. You
learn how not to have to repay those dues (as well as how not to occupy your
grave any sooner than necessary) by going to meetings and listening, by reading
the literature, by getting and using a sponsor, by working the Steps of
Recovery.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">There is no cure. Addiction can be arrested and
recovery experienced as long as that disease is still under arrest. Those
cuffs, bars, and guards are meetings, a program of recovery, and other
recovering addicts. The cop in this instance is that part of you that wants to
live life as a human being.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;">
</span></span><br />Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-11277755536658128752018-12-30T13:51:00.002-05:002018-12-30T14:04:58.397-05:00Getting In The Groove<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWzlfpTc5vwGKCafniqsBXiL8dmnYgFOXqmIGgUi0LirOvjh8xqwbpc8GESftvMsXiOfZRtbgJBW8kFDmUJgr5nriTIyGDYT0baoGePfZqdBmEtbQyaqZ5wwDhyphenhyphentKLkXLAl-ZQ/s1600/Russian+Roulette.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="316" data-original-width="474" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWzlfpTc5vwGKCafniqsBXiL8dmnYgFOXqmIGgUi0LirOvjh8xqwbpc8GESftvMsXiOfZRtbgJBW8kFDmUJgr5nriTIyGDYT0baoGePfZqdBmEtbQyaqZ5wwDhyphenhyphentKLkXLAl-ZQ/s320/Russian+Roulette.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">I was watching a documentary on Amazon
Prime on the life and career of jazz pianist Bill Evans titled <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bill Evans Time Remembered. </i>I recommend
both the documentary and the music of Bill Evans to those who appreciate magnificent
jazz. Through the course of the recording describing how his music evolved
entwined with the events of his life, as did many musicians and composers of
the era (and now), Bill Evans got into drugs. </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
</span><div style="margin: 0in 1in 0pt 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">Vocalist Jon Hendricks, in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Time Remembered,</i> said, “(Bill) wanted to
be able to deal with the work, but not the pain. Heroin is particularly
well-suited to that.”</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
</span><div style="margin: 0in 1in 0pt 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">Jon Hendricks’s characterization of the
lure of mood altering drugs to creative individuals is spot on. Tired? Have
doubts? Can’t seem to get a break? Comparing yourself to the success of others?
The piece you’re working on means reaching in deep, way beyond your soul, into
dark and foreign worlds, guilt-drenched, horrific, and painful? Walking around
in a constant state of loss, deprivation, loneliness, and depression?</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
</span><div style="margin: 0in 1in 0pt 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">Then a drug comes along, pill, powder,
or potion, and it seems to make everything look, seem, and feel better. And,
no, it is not simply an attraction suffered by creative men and women. Take a
self-conscious school kid walking those halls, frightened by bullies,
intimidated by school work, perhaps a teacher or two whose life plans hadn’t
worked out the way they had envisioned and takes out the frustration and
bitterness on his or her students. Kids, as do all humans, register this as
pain. So lots of kids get into drugs; Lots of teachers do, too, as well as doctors,
nurses, those in business, professional athletes, plumbers, electricians,
carpenters, millwrights, the homeless, convicts, politicians, and those in the
military.</span></div>
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</span><br />
</span><div style="margin: 0in 1in 0pt 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">The title of this article is “Getting In
The Groove.” There is a measure of fear, fatigue, frustration, and guilt
associated with every occupation, non-occupation, activity, and endeavor on
this planet. Most often these things present themselves as necessary pain—a
vital part of the groove. Writers like to talk about, “First, open a vein.” Athletes
tell you, “No pain no gain.” If you work or play in an area you enjoy, the
meaning and benefits often outweigh this pain. Often it does not. </span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
</span><div style="margin: 0in 1in 0pt 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">Things aren’t going super, the job doesn’t
fit well, things a little rocky at home, and those guys doing weed or a few
lines on breaks or after practice every day have a message for you: </span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
</span><div style="margin: 0in 1in 0pt 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">Hey,
this stuff is legal.</span></i></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
</span><div style="margin: 0in 1in 0pt 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">Try
it; It’s not really addictive.</span></i></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
</span><div style="margin: 0in 1in 0pt 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">Oh,
there are ways of getting around piss tests.</span></i></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
</span><div style="margin: 0in 1in 0pt 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">It’ll
loosen you up and ease those aches and pains.</span></i></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
</span><div style="margin: 0in 1in 0pt 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">Your
life didn’t turn out the way you wanted; smoke this and you won’t give a shit.</span></i></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
</span><div style="margin: 0in 1in 0pt 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
</span><div style="margin: 0in 1in 0pt 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">In my own experiences being a novelist
and short-story writer, then drug addict, to kill the pain, drugs kill feelings:
the fun feelings as well as the bad. Eventually even that stops working and all
one is left with is a horrible life with horrible feelings and chasing down and
using more and more drugs in hopes of preventing the feelings from getting even
worse. The wreckage you leave along the way simply adds to the level of addiction’s
special kind of pain.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
</span><div style="margin: 0in 1in 0pt 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">Stories are about people. People are
about feelings. To write about people in your stories, you need to employ each
character’s feelings as well as your own. Your feelings modified by your
imagination is what brings your characters alive—is what makes them believable
story characters. If you have numbed your feelings until you cannot feel
anything but indifference, depression, bitterness, and rage, all you can invest
your characters with are borrowed feelings, that is, descriptions of feelings
borrowed from other writings, movies, remembered emotional experiences of the
past, likely none of them fitting exactly the character you are writing on in
that particular story moment. Afterward there is the dilemma of whether to
teach your feelings of being a fraud how to swim, snort, or shoot.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
</span><div style="margin: 0in 1in 0pt 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">For those who already use drugs to
“relax” or “expand one’s thinking” while working or during breaks, to “deal
with the work and not the pain,” there is a lot of help out there once you have
worked your way through your denial sufficiently to recognize that you have a
problem: Narcotics Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous, drug rehabilitation,
counseling, detox units, and so on. Addiction is a prison with hundreds of
escape routes. But as has been said, “The first step in escaping from a prison
is to accept that one is in a prison.”</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
</span><div style="margin: 0in 1in 0pt 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">Did I write some stuff that was great
when I was using? Yeah, I think so. Could that stuff have been better without
impaired feelings? That little ghost of a question follows me around wherever I
go. I know since I got clean I have written stuff I think towers way above my
previous work. That’s just me, I know. But I am for whom I am writing.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
</span><div style="margin: 0in 1in 0pt 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">For those of you who are experimenting
or thinking of experimenting, the experiments have already been done. Science
has proven that using addicts make terrible decisions about their work,
themselves, their relationships, and their feelings.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
</span><div style="margin: 0in 1in 0pt 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">Oh, you may not be an addict? Here is
something to think about. If there was a new food product on the market with a
one-in-six chance of ravaging you with a crippling horrific fatal disease that
would also affect and possibly destroy each and everyone you love, would you
try it? </span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
</span><div style="margin: 0in 1in 0pt 0in; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">It’s a yes or no question. If you answer
“yes,” there is a game you might wish to try called Russian Roulette.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is faster than addiction, but causes much
less collateral damage, and is infinitely less painful.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">PS:
Yeah, Dufus. Alcohol is a drug.</span></span></span><br /></div>
Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-26612529808711040782018-11-25T12:04:00.004-05:002018-11-25T12:06:58.855-05:00AGAIN . . . and again, again, again . . .<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 27pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">Slips are not slips. This was one of the first things
pointed out to me in early recovery. The term "slip" is a way of
minimizing a life-threatening, serenity, family, and employment shattering
relapse. What such relapses do to one's sanity, self-worth, integrity, and
values was best summed up for me by someone returning to the program who said:
"If someone else did to me what I have done to myself, I would've killed
the sonofabitch."</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 27pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">My sponsor used to refer to "slips" as
"planned campaigns." He would smile at me and say, "It's like
for a week I poured motor oil all over my front steps, then stepped out one
morning and "slipped."</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 27pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">Oops! That was certainly unexpected. How did that
ever happen? These are all other ways of telling ourselves and others, it
really wasn't all my fault; not really. And just a little slip wasn't
that bad (I'm still alive, right?), and here I am at a meeting so I'm all
better now and can't we talk about something else?</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 27pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">It has been said before: Cheating at poker is merely
dishonest; Cheating at solitaire is insane. When addiction is in control, the
lies recovering addicts both tell to and believe themselves only have one
purpose: To prepare the addict to pick up again. And addiction's purpose in
having you pick up again is not so you can have a little break from recovery or
a moment of fun. Its purpose in having you pick up again is, in the end, to
kill you. And, if you have been around long enough to have a relapse, you also
know that every relapse hurts more than just the addict. It hurts people who
care about you, who love you, who depend upon you, who trust you: they all get
wounded.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 27pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: large;">Yeah, so I was at a meeting and heard another addict
trying to come back to the program after a series of relapses. It was the first
time I had ever seen her at a meeting, but before she shared I already cared
what would happen to her. I was scared for her, and I told her so. It made
me think of a scene from my mystery novel, <i>Rope Paper Scissors. </i></span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 27pt;">
<i><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">In the story, a school teacher and a couple of
students managed to trick and blackmail a number of druggie students into
attending their first NA meeting. The student, Edgardo Rodriguez, comes from a
using family and has a heroin-addicted older brother not far from death.
Edgardo is talking to Uncle Tom, one of the NA old timers, outside before
the start of the meeting.</span></i></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 27pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">~ ~ ~</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 27pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 27pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia"; font-size: large; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">He (Uncle
Tom) looked at Rodriguez. "No one ever got to that door, Eddie, because
life was great and everything kept coming up sunshine and lollipops. However
and whyever they started using, right now they got big holes in 'em they think
they have to try and fill with drugs; Never good when what's causing the
problem is the only answer you got."</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 27pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 27pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia"; font-size: large; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">"You
mean it's pretty much hopeless?" asked Edgardo.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 27pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 27pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia"; font-size: large; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">"Hell,
no," said Tom, holding out his huge hands "Hope is our big draw. See,
somewhere deep inside each one of 'em, they know they caught by somethin' big
and mean. Nobody like being a slave. What to do about it is still a question to
them. Maybe they pick up an answer or two tonight. Maybe they pick up a drug,
OD, and fucking die before sunrise. That's all up to them." He looked at
me and back at Rodriguez. "See, it's not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">your</i> problem; it's <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">their</i>
problem. Time for them to deal with their problem; Time for you to let
go."</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 27pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 27pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia"; font-size: large; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">"And
if they just fucking die?" asked Rodriguez, his tone somewhere between
anger and desperation.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 27pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 27pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia"; font-size: large; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">The big
man paused, looked into a shadow or two, then shifted his gaze to Edgardo.
"Then it's time to cry, and then let go." Uncle Tom dropped the
remains of his cigarette into a butt can next to the door. He turned back and
faced us. "You get into recovery, you live longer." He put his hand
on the doorknob and looked back at Rodriguez. "You get to go to a lot of
funerals, too." He waved good-bye and followed the others through that
door, closing it behind him </span></div>
<div align="center" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center; text-indent: 27pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">~ ~ ~</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 27pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">Recovery isn't a life style choice, something you do
to please someone else, nor something to do in order to keep out of jail or
pass a drug test for employment. It has certainly been used for all of that,
but those things are side effects. Recovery is the first step in moving from
being a using obsessed drug addict to a genuine human being. Its principle
symptom is that state of ever increasing choices called <i>freedom</i>. </span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 27pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">Imagine a newly freed slave picking up the chains he
had worn for years and through all of his beatings, losses, and crushed
hopes and then trying them back on because, well, slavery wasn't really all
that bad. That is what a relapse is.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOnzjCHJQ4mENljEC-Vm6LrUujql_PVkKCRV2Q8vJSkVsVJvADMKglxh0OCDYYHsBV8I67fNBKlGppOx0bVG6wWI8N4KzZMVk0v9i2asejDT82WV9y_ajZO4HxyAcm3YRI68KN/s1600/Slave+Chains.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="699" data-original-width="1283" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOnzjCHJQ4mENljEC-Vm6LrUujql_PVkKCRV2Q8vJSkVsVJvADMKglxh0OCDYYHsBV8I67fNBKlGppOx0bVG6wWI8N4KzZMVk0v9i2asejDT82WV9y_ajZO4HxyAcm3YRI68KN/s400/Slave+Chains.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"> </span></div>
Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-66722018046057292692018-03-13T12:07:00.000-04:002018-03-13T12:07:33.942-04:00SMALL MEETINGS<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div style="border-image: none;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq1nWmMgPOtgt9p-iaBRmbt5abpM21HM1HrxgN0peuK6lbPjlFJjC8szHcYu2Y91ZMWZiPa7bHSUfQwBZkACcKZI10xmQi-1p4RaaMnEYB3rhBoCZCY14cWPB02ETrBJtppC3X/s1600/Small+Meetings+02.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="164" data-original-width="271" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq1nWmMgPOtgt9p-iaBRmbt5abpM21HM1HrxgN0peuK6lbPjlFJjC8szHcYu2Y91ZMWZiPa7bHSUfQwBZkACcKZI10xmQi-1p4RaaMnEYB3rhBoCZCY14cWPB02ETrBJtppC3X/s320/Small+Meetings+02.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">The NA meeting was large for our rural area, 20 to 25 recovering addicts on an average Saturday. Those who attended regularly took the number for granted, as did I. About a dozen or so of the attendees came from a rehab about forty minutes away by car, and they were driven to the meeting by a volunteer. Then the rehab residents stopped coming. We heard that it was because the volunteer driver was no longer available. A couple others dropped away without word, another who had to work, another who had to do some prison time, another who was ill, and another who went out to research some aspect of the nightmare he must have missed his first time through it. It seemed as though, all of a sudden, we were down to three persons or six on a good day. </span></div>
</div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div style="border-image: none;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs3pf6U8GrCGwlo_q_z9xUO88W-HuEAdlI7S7zjjAOl904NshfQTUGsY2lxm9zHbtDbKGVPgyy4KRUEv34xhDqnR_cnFVV_lU7VkJabH1JimriCisUiaj7Nx-4QtuSC8Pih_Zc/s1600/Small+Meetings+04.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="169" data-original-width="225" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs3pf6U8GrCGwlo_q_z9xUO88W-HuEAdlI7S7zjjAOl904NshfQTUGsY2lxm9zHbtDbKGVPgyy4KRUEv34xhDqnR_cnFVV_lU7VkJabH1JimriCisUiaj7Nx-4QtuSC8Pih_Zc/s200/Small+Meetings+04.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">It seemed wrong, somehow, we waited for more to show, but eventually we accepted the meetings would be small, and struggled on. Funny thing about small meetings, though: The sharing was deeper, more honest, and much more useful. Folks I had known for so long I almost had their usual meeting qualification stories memorized revealed depths about their using and recovery that were entirely new to me. And I did the same. It hadn't occurred to me before, but the larger a meeting is, the less sharing time there is available per person. Besides that, there are many who are intimidated by very large meetings and often remain silent. If there are only four or five at a meeting, it is difficult to hide, stay mum, and thereby opt out of that session's recovery.</span></div>
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<div style="border-image: none;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-UXK7IJCXiowFTcE78BqKFgLnvLGVhyphenhyphenZC_O2TE73XhYC4P8r14_p7bXy5WCCxWUcLvAGVWJyregmzLUbAwSR8ysEvRerus0d85-S3lVmc6Sm-3KhUlyFgCgSrQruvtu1iemS-/s1600/Small+Meetings+03.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="179" data-original-width="249" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-UXK7IJCXiowFTcE78BqKFgLnvLGVhyphenhyphenZC_O2TE73XhYC4P8r14_p7bXy5WCCxWUcLvAGVWJyregmzLUbAwSR8ysEvRerus0d85-S3lVmc6Sm-3KhUlyFgCgSrQruvtu1iemS-/s1600/Small+Meetings+03.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">It has gotten such that I find small meetings more useful to my recovery than large ones. It shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. When I looked at why I had been surprised, I found a character defect of mine staring back. I was one of the ones who founded that meeting, making it in my head, <em>my</em> meeting. Hence, as in Facebook, Twitter, and other social media sites, increased numbers stroked my ego, decreased numbers felt like personal rejection. A large number of "friends" on Facebook don't mean that you have many friends, that is, humans who know the worst about you, love you anyway, refuse to enable you in your efforts at self-destruction, and who tell you what you need to hear. One real friend is worth more than all the numbers that exist. When I attend a meeting, my purpose is to maintain and progress in my own recovery, and to be of help when asked. I am not there to be flattered by my own imagination (And, yeah, that's why I removed the page-view counter from the blog).</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0TeIYB-iRjI1eZ1SGdQaA_f1yHwnVF-_LTe1gdomRCZF1o6J-X9PaqopBFZcRsQZBXJnQLhAVy7YtwIL0lUZ1p0apWO40fdC2Rv4pmD-4ce3AsgVZsNyqewDBWXh_ol2NhOKn/s1600/Small+Meetings+01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="474" data-original-width="474" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0TeIYB-iRjI1eZ1SGdQaA_f1yHwnVF-_LTe1gdomRCZF1o6J-X9PaqopBFZcRsQZBXJnQLhAVy7YtwIL0lUZ1p0apWO40fdC2Rv4pmD-4ce3AsgVZsNyqewDBWXh_ol2NhOKn/s200/Small+Meetings+01.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">There are smaller meetings that are of even more value. There are meetings with my sponsor, or a sponsee, or simply another addict, and not just to wrestle down the dragon or get through a white-knuckle day. When we are clean, we can be a real friend and can make and keep real friends. In early recovery, still raw and suspicious of others and their motives, it may seem as though being alone is the safest place. At such times, remember that an addict inside his or her own head is behind enemy lines. It was discovered a long time ago by the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill W. and Doctor Bob. They were two hopeless fall-down drunks who found that when they leaned on each other they were both still on their own feet. There are also the small meetings on Twelve Step calls, and with your Higher Power that can be both the most rewarding and most frustrating in recovery. Both meetings have the potential to underline your powerlessness like nothing else.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCBf2YyKrnQ-siPrS2cL1VXrxITDisOaqtDYR-4VrX2IOxJd1VFgKQqIJQZZpgzHjPEllkqQomV8MCqbqNLcvwVAXG4dXizqgN6KJUVO3nbwD4kx0AoYoDn1_i5mGg6It6sd8S/s1600/Small+Meetings+05.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="286" data-original-width="282" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCBf2YyKrnQ-siPrS2cL1VXrxITDisOaqtDYR-4VrX2IOxJd1VFgKQqIJQZZpgzHjPEllkqQomV8MCqbqNLcvwVAXG4dXizqgN6KJUVO3nbwD4kx0AoYoDn1_i5mGg6It6sd8S/s200/Small+Meetings+05.jpg" width="196" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">The smallest meeting, of course, is your meeting with yourself through doing Step work, personal inventories, and self-improvement. Working on yourself is much different than isolation in which the addict sits alone wallowing in self-pity, reviewing shameful and humiliating episodes of the past and seeing nothing but pain and wreckage in the future, greasing up those skids in preparation for that approaching "slip" back into the nightmare.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">For those who do not know what I mean by "sponsor, "sponsee," "Step work," "Twelve Step calls," and "Higher Power," don't Google them; go to a <a href="https://www.na.org/meetingsearch/" target="_blank">meeting</a> and listen to those who know and to those others who are learning. If you are an addict in need of recovery, moving your own ass to a meeting is your job. Doing nothing, waiting for someone or something else to "fix it," is, in its mild form, called "riding a pogo stick through a minefield." In its more extreme form, it is called "suicide" by some other name. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">Take care of yourself today.</span></div>
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Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-60266699072699561202018-03-05T09:30:00.000-05:002018-03-05T09:36:54.127-05:00THE OUCHING<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">So, there I was, in my cardiologist's office. My symptoms were weakness, fatigue, nausea, inability to focus, stumbling into things, difficulty in forming words, loss of appetite, weight gain(?), and a depression that made the Spanish Inquisition appear by comparison as a fun time in Jamaica. I had just gotten out of the hospital from a ventricular tachycardia episode that knocked me unconscious as well as forbade me by state law to drive a car for the next six months. This was day two of the ski trip I was supposed to be on, and I was not in a good mood.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="border-image: none; text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk5JzxqIE0tejjiBqsuPnCpkn4ojo5LU4uFM6EQ6KERexVQS_QwviV2XObB0-kEYCZ47ix9voxfK15q4qspKGAensyjCcvnBa_VTyyHxHTcUiJSba-6IzcNFimr-FcD25PzF-z/s1600/depression.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="900" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk5JzxqIE0tejjiBqsuPnCpkn4ojo5LU4uFM6EQ6KERexVQS_QwviV2XObB0-kEYCZ47ix9voxfK15q4qspKGAensyjCcvnBa_VTyyHxHTcUiJSba-6IzcNFimr-FcD25PzF-z/s320/depression.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">The doctor reduced a medication I was on, then my guardian angel Regina drove me home almost two hours away. The extra burden of driving me around was wearing on her, which added to my guilt about no longer pulling my weight in the family. I had to cancel out of the remainder of my ski trip, I sat down to write and fell asleep. When I woke up, I found myself muttering, "Y' know, I don't give a damn how this story turns out." I'd been planning this series of books, <em>The War Whisperer</em>, for the better part of fifty years, and had let everything else go for the past three years to write it, and now I didn't care about it? That was a sure sign that I was suffering from crapitude.</span></div>
<div style="border-image: none; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="border-image: none; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Crapitude is depression that takes the form of being uncaring about what is important, things such as relationships, my art (writing), and even recovery. It usually evolves into anger. Of course, at the end of this nightmare would be going back to using, except for a little song I made up and began singing. The tune was roughly borrowed from "I Learned About Women From Her," and it went like this:</span></div>
<div style="border-image: none; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"> There are dog turds all over the floor,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Cobwebs hanging off of the door,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">That stuff in the sink is beginning to stink</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">And I don't give a shit any more.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">(Chorus)</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Oh, I don't give a shit any more,</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">I don't give a shit any more,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">I gave it all that I had</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">And watched it turn bad,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">So I don't give a shit any more.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">And I felt better. I went to a meeting the next morning and came away feeling better still. Feeling better after going to the effort of making up and then singing that song, however, puzzled me. I mean, anyone singing a song like that has to have a bad attitude and is greasing the way to a big slip, right?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">Not really. That song was the roundabout way I had of saying "ouch!" As it was explained to me many years ago, before the acceptance of the things I cannot change and the letting go comes the ouching. I used to try to be what in my mind was "program perfect." That meant that things that hurt or disappointed me, loss, devastation, shattered goals, the unkindness of a thousand lonely moments, instead of complaining or crying or feeling bad, I would shoot directly for "letting go," thereby feeling nothing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">My sponsor at the time referred to this as my "pee pee" program. "Before the letting go, there is the ouching. Trying to stuff feelings by using the Serenity Prayer like a drug may seem to work for a time, but all of those unacknowledged hurts, losses, and disappointments are still there and they come out as irritability, anger, and depression. Feel your feelings. That's what they're there for." Or, as a person at an Al-Anon <span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;"> meeting once said, "Before you can let it go, you've got to pick it up."</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large;">So, you have a hard time showing pain and saying ouch, sing that little song again and again until you start laughing, then take a small moment out to be grateful for the laughter, for grateful addicts never use.</span></span></div>
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Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8309835.post-82220074264566382232018-02-11T11:35:00.001-05:002018-02-14T08:55:39.923-05:00GETTING UP ONE TIME MORE<div style="border-image: none; text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis2xIXoTIRw-3eTLDatVOMzjvQQ-zEUrt5LMfm4eAKotY32Cpov_S4YWMzcux_ddQdK44WP0qGOmpSZ8FnxRAEY1rWx1OTzFHRwFTE97STgQKf1_T2YkzVXIm6UQmhqlipuO4h/s1600/2018-Winter-Olympics.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="600" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis2xIXoTIRw-3eTLDatVOMzjvQQ-zEUrt5LMfm4eAKotY32Cpov_S4YWMzcux_ddQdK44WP0qGOmpSZ8FnxRAEY1rWx1OTzFHRwFTE97STgQKf1_T2YkzVXIm6UQmhqlipuO4h/s200/2018-Winter-Olympics.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">The 2018 Winter Olympics are on, and I can never watch the figure skaters, singles and pairs, without thinking again on a familiar theme: When everything you've planned and worked for since your clean date gets hit by a train, you're deep within the folds of the blackest depression the world has ever seen, it all seems done with, finished, kaput, all over---why bother to stay clean---what in the hell do you do next? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I mean, why bother to do anything, right? Life sucks and then you die a miserable death, right? Might as well get high and numb out, right? In such moments, the disease is most persuasive, one's defenses at their weakest. When that happens to me, I think about the figure skating competitions I have seen.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Imagine spending six to ten hours a day, every day, perfecting your sport and polishing a routine. Your whole life has been spent following a dream, first to get selected to the nation's Olympic team and perform in front of the crowd at the Olympics, perhaps even medal, maybe, if everything goes absolutely perfect . . .</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">And you dedicate time, raise money, nurse sore muscles, overcome injuries, plan and revise the choreography, and then practice, practice, practice until you reach the point of absolute perfection. Then the night comes, you go out onto the ice, your costume fits like a custom made glove and it is spectacular, you look great, and as you push off and do a couple warm-up laps, the crowd is applauding, the air is crisp and electric, the skates feel tight and right. Everything is perfect. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx607WV_a5AxFeSRu0iPIh5_XcI5AtrQm0nGgbD7K_dP6tv4XtUht3QSeySe_0yevoiRowfxhCxolX9DNQ9pzE-XVWfaQbzumytCmNWDdH4Uf1entmqjNt7vrYSk65FX3TCz04/s1600/Skater+2018+Olympics.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="775" data-original-width="1240" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx607WV_a5AxFeSRu0iPIh5_XcI5AtrQm0nGgbD7K_dP6tv4XtUht3QSeySe_0yevoiRowfxhCxolX9DNQ9pzE-XVWfaQbzumytCmNWDdH4Uf1entmqjNt7vrYSk65FX3TCz04/s400/Skater+2018+Olympics.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">You get into your starting position, wait two or three seconds for that really great music you and your coaches selected, and you begin skating, dancing, to the music. It is all just as you imagined it would be, you get into position for that first triple Lutz, touch the tip of that skate to the ice, and the next thing you know you're on your ass, and there's no such thing as a gentle fall on ice. Not much flexibility in that stuff, and no padding at all in either you or your costume.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Pain, embarrassment, the dream--- All you worked for--- The competition--- Letting down your teammates, the coaches, the fans who spent thousands to attend, parents, all those who donated, the dream a shattered fantasy ---all of it gone straight to hell.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">And what happens next? I've seen a lot of figure skaters fall. and every time I see one fall, sometime with really painful injuries, <em>I see the skater get up off his or her bruised butt and finish the routine</em>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">So, the next time you run into a rough patch, reaching for the pills and potions is the option that kills. Reaching for that phone, calling your sponsor, bringing your bruised ass to a meeting, sharing your pain, your disappointment, and your embarrassment, gearing yourself up to do what you need to do to stay clean until that next sunrise, that is getting up and continuing with your program.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">As with any fight, if you get up one more time than the disease, fate, the breaks, or the universe can knock you down, you win. And what the recovering addict gets for winning beats all the gold medals in the world.</span></div>
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<em><br /></em>Barry Longyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05001718869373395565noreply@blogger.com0