Saturday, April 07, 2012

Death, Where Is Thy Sting---OUCH!!! Dammit!

What a couple of weeks I'm having. Chest pains in the airplane before it takes off, me taking off in an ambulance first, heart catheterization, mixed news, echo cardiogram, really shitty news (For ticker fans: ejection fraction down to 35% from 50%), Maine is about all out of snow, the ski resorts are thinking about golf, it looks like another surgeon is about to get a knife in me, more hardware stuck in my ticker, and I spent most of the night worrying about no longer being in any condition to worry about anything.

Another good friend died this past week. His name was Skip, he was big time biker, long time NA member, big wheel in the Maine Disabled American Veterans, and he was responsible for getting many disabled vets (including me) into the DAV for help in getting VA benefits.

Putting the two together, and that creepy mind shadow begins following me, measuring every act, plotting every turn, attempting through anxiety to control the future and fool death: A big waste of time and not a serene way to live. So, right now I'm off to an NA meeting and I have every intention of hanging in there until Brothers In Spirit (NA Men's Retreat) in Alfred, Maine, 13-15 April where the theme is "Letting Go." I do believe there might be something there for me to learn.

Today . . . Ah, hell. Today I want to be teachable. You up there; Help me to do that.

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